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[ This is so much more than he'd expected. Dokja had had his ideas of vampires, of course, and that meant assuming it was all just blood drinking and sleeping in coffins. Now he's here finding out there's a bond?
Honestly, it sounds a lot like how the Aspects work, or maybe that's just Dokja coping. He doesn't bother hiding the alarm that flashes in his eyes at hearing Eustace can be swayed by D, and had this been someone outside of Dokja's circle of (miniscule) trust, he'd probably be reacting very differently to this information.
For now, he sighs, long and drawn out. ]
He's such a pain in the ass, [ says Dokja, bigger pain in the ass. ] And you...
[ ROUNDS ON D. ]
I know you aren't going to make him do anything stupid, but maybe I'm the stupid one for thinking that. I didn't even know you were a dhampir, and now I'm finding out you hunt vampires too?
[ Dokja having a self-aware moment where he's realizing he really doesn't know much about D at all. ]
Honestly, it sounds a lot like how the Aspects work, or maybe that's just Dokja coping. He doesn't bother hiding the alarm that flashes in his eyes at hearing Eustace can be swayed by D, and had this been someone outside of Dokja's circle of (miniscule) trust, he'd probably be reacting very differently to this information.
For now, he sighs, long and drawn out. ]
He's such a pain in the ass, [ says Dokja, bigger pain in the ass. ] And you...
[ ROUNDS ON D. ]
I know you aren't going to make him do anything stupid, but maybe I'm the stupid one for thinking that. I didn't even know you were a dhampir, and now I'm finding out you hunt vampires too?
[ Dokja having a self-aware moment where he's realizing he really doesn't know much about D at all. ]
[ Dokja might have been content to stay like this forever, having Eustace safe and secure in his arms, but life doesn't work in that manner, and they have to move on. The only response Eustace gets is a shake of a head, and Dokja tightening his hold. It lasts for another few seconds before he very reluctantly pulls away, and once he does, it's plain to see how Dokja's been faring over the last week.
He's paler than ever, the dark circles under sunken eyes highly contrasting against the almost sickly pallor. His hair's a mess, his clothes rumpled, and his lips are chapped to hell. Simply put, he looks exhausted, and there's a tremble to his hands that doesn't seem to go away as he blindly reaches for a bag, then drags it over to them.
Again, he doesn't speak. Maybe it's that he doesn't have the energy to, or that he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to be, when for so much of his life it had been Dokja making the calls, the sacrifices, the decisions to leave his loved ones behind. Now, faced with the aftereffects of what he'd once put his companions through, he has no idea how to behave. He's disappointed with himself, but most of all, he can't push aside the chastising voice in his head, the reminder that he'd failed once again to protect someone precious to him.
So he moves mechanically, unzipping the bag to pull out a towel for Eustace to use, though Dokja's gaze remains downcast the entire time. ]
He's paler than ever, the dark circles under sunken eyes highly contrasting against the almost sickly pallor. His hair's a mess, his clothes rumpled, and his lips are chapped to hell. Simply put, he looks exhausted, and there's a tremble to his hands that doesn't seem to go away as he blindly reaches for a bag, then drags it over to them.
Again, he doesn't speak. Maybe it's that he doesn't have the energy to, or that he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to be, when for so much of his life it had been Dokja making the calls, the sacrifices, the decisions to leave his loved ones behind. Now, faced with the aftereffects of what he'd once put his companions through, he has no idea how to behave. He's disappointed with himself, but most of all, he can't push aside the chastising voice in his head, the reminder that he'd failed once again to protect someone precious to him.
So he moves mechanically, unzipping the bag to pull out a towel for Eustace to use, though Dokja's gaze remains downcast the entire time. ]
[Yes, Eustace is very much a pain in the--HELLO, DON'T ROUND ON HIM?!?!?
The moment of silence is definitely him considering his very prominent, obvious attire which screams Vampire Hunter, but okay. He will maybe give it to Dokja. Sort of. Barely.
At least Dokja knows D was a very weird little kid.]
I accept payment for hunting vampires for those who cannot, yes.
[What better way to hunt monsters than be half of the monster yourself.]
That is the only option for dhampirs. To become a hunter, or to live in solitude.
[OR BOTH. 😊]
I won't make him do anything. [The doing stupid stuff Eustace can manage all on his own. Like kissing D.] If something becomes out of hand, then you may kill me to break the link.
The moment of silence is definitely him considering his very prominent, obvious attire which screams Vampire Hunter, but okay. He will maybe give it to Dokja. Sort of. Barely.
At least Dokja knows D was a very weird little kid.]
I accept payment for hunting vampires for those who cannot, yes.
[What better way to hunt monsters than be half of the monster yourself.]
That is the only option for dhampirs. To become a hunter, or to live in solitude.
[OR BOTH. 😊]
I won't make him do anything. [The doing stupid stuff Eustace can manage all on his own. Like kissing D.] If something becomes out of hand, then you may kill me to break the link.
[ Listen here, bucko, the only people who can nonchalantly tell others to kill them is Dokja. Don't take that from him, that's like his entire personality.
In the meantime, he crosses his arms over his chest with a frown. While he doesn't like a lot of what he's hearing, he's definitely hating this last part. ]
I'm not going to kill you.
[ IDIOT... That insult goes unspoken. ]
I guess I should thank you, [ he grumbles like a tsundere. ] For telling me everything.
In the meantime, he crosses his arms over his chest with a frown. While he doesn't like a lot of what he's hearing, he's definitely hating this last part. ]
I'm not going to kill you.
[ IDIOT... That insult goes unspoken. ]
I guess I should thank you, [ he grumbles like a tsundere. ] For telling me everything.
You should be willing if things become an issue. I am not a matter to be taken lightly if this place turns me against others.
I would prefer a swift death than the dishonor of hurting anyone else.
[TSUNDERE?????? NOW WHO IS STEALING OTHER PERSONALITIES.]
You should thank Eustace instead. I wouldn't have said anything if he had not insisted you should be made aware.
[Which sounds mean, but he delivers this in the same quiet voice, as if it was more a matter of him disliking dicussion about himself than him reveling in keeping secrets from Dokja.]
I would prefer a swift death than the dishonor of hurting anyone else.
[TSUNDERE?????? NOW WHO IS STEALING OTHER PERSONALITIES.]
You should thank Eustace instead. I wouldn't have said anything if he had not insisted you should be made aware.
[Which sounds mean, but he delivers this in the same quiet voice, as if it was more a matter of him disliking dicussion about himself than him reveling in keeping secrets from Dokja.]
[ Dokja, for all his insecurities and faults, has the confidence that should things make a turn for the worse, he can contain D without killing him. It's why he doesn't entertain the topic for much longer, responding only with silence and a slight narrowing of his eyes that he thinks says enough about how he feels.
Dokja has never killed one of his companions and he's not about to start now.
As for the return to the subject of Eustace, Dokja hesitates for a moment and then, in an effort to find something to do, starts petting the cats in his lap. ]
... He could have at least warned me about this. [ His tone is still a grumble, but less so this time. Anyway! He'll think about whether or not he wants to approach this with Eustace... Communication is their weakest link. ] What do you usually do to satisfy your hunger? Since this is the first time you tasted someone's blood.
Dokja has never killed one of his companions and he's not about to start now.
As for the return to the subject of Eustace, Dokja hesitates for a moment and then, in an effort to find something to do, starts petting the cats in his lap. ]
... He could have at least warned me about this. [ His tone is still a grumble, but less so this time. Anyway! He'll think about whether or not he wants to approach this with Eustace... Communication is their weakest link. ] What do you usually do to satisfy your hunger? Since this is the first time you tasted someone's blood.
[why don't you have more ankle icons, yuul
It doesn't surprise him Dokja would take time out of being swallowed in despair to scold him like he's a son. And really, as any good son, he does not trust Dokja not to try fighting Childe if it came down to it. Not when it's Eustace, when it's Eustace's Shard.]
There's no time.
[It's an honest rebuttal. THEIR ORACLE EVENT!!! He's too stubborn (like Dokja and Eustace both) to sit down for five minutes when many things are on the line.]
Be careful... if you run into Silco. [SEBASTIAN MIGHT TAKE YOUR ARM OFF OR SOMETHING. Just a friendly warning.] I'll tell Gray... later.
It doesn't surprise him Dokja would take time out of being swallowed in despair to scold him like he's a son. And really, as any good son, he does not trust Dokja not to try fighting Childe if it came down to it. Not when it's Eustace, when it's Eustace's Shard.]
There's no time.
[It's an honest rebuttal. THEIR ORACLE EVENT!!! He's too stubborn (like Dokja and Eustace both) to sit down for five minutes when many things are on the line.]
Be careful... if you run into Silco. [SEBASTIAN MIGHT TAKE YOUR ARM OFF OR SOMETHING. Just a friendly warning.] I'll tell Gray... later.
He had plans to tell you if I did not, but he believed it best to come directly from me.
[Which D appreciates actually even if he had zero plans to boldly walk up to Dokja and start talking about his stupid ass weird OP vamprism. It just doesn't make good conversation.
And then people ask questions he doesn't want to answer. About himself.]
I had pills of dehydrated, artificial plasma. I don't think this place has the level of technology needed to make them, but I had plans to search anyway.
[Which D appreciates actually even if he had zero plans to boldly walk up to Dokja and start talking about his stupid ass weird OP vamprism. It just doesn't make good conversation.
And then people ask questions he doesn't want to answer. About himself.]
I had pills of dehydrated, artificial plasma. I don't think this place has the level of technology needed to make them, but I had plans to search anyway.
[ For all that he feels terrible, it's instantly clear once they both pull away that Dokja looks decidedly worse, the dark circles under his eyes and heavily disheveled appearance a testament to how long he's spent sitting under the Great Tree doing nothing but waiting.
It's a sobering realization, and one that instantly clears his mind as deep sorrow chases away any lingering confusion. He doesn't take his eyes off Dokja even as he gets to work drying himself and shedding the worst of the sap clinging to him. He'd thought that having the company of both Gray and D would have been enough to anchor Dokja somewhat in the event of his death, but it's clear that he'd thought very wrong. But maybe that should have been apparent from the way Dokja had followed him around the house after his return all those weeks ago.
Nothing to be done now about what had happened, even if something will have to change for the future. They can't both go on like this.
Instead of asking Dokja to hand anything else over, he makes his way to the bag himself, digging through for a fresh pair of clothes. But instead of a shirt or a pair of pants, he pulls out a bottle of water that he immediately holds out to Dokja. ]
Drink something.
It's a sobering realization, and one that instantly clears his mind as deep sorrow chases away any lingering confusion. He doesn't take his eyes off Dokja even as he gets to work drying himself and shedding the worst of the sap clinging to him. He'd thought that having the company of both Gray and D would have been enough to anchor Dokja somewhat in the event of his death, but it's clear that he'd thought very wrong. But maybe that should have been apparent from the way Dokja had followed him around the house after his return all those weeks ago.
Nothing to be done now about what had happened, even if something will have to change for the future. They can't both go on like this.
Instead of asking Dokja to hand anything else over, he makes his way to the bag himself, digging through for a fresh pair of clothes. But instead of a shirt or a pair of pants, he pulls out a bottle of water that he immediately holds out to Dokja. ]
Drink something.
[ ENOUGH
Oh no. Gray. Dokja had been so consumed with his grief that his thoughts hadn't extended that far. She's sure to be devastated just the same, and he has to squeeze his eyes shut to keep himself from spiraling even more than he already has.
While he appreciates D's warning, Dokja doesn't trust himself to speak now that the earlier panic has gripped him once more. He's useless like this, he knows, and he's never wanted the Fourth Wall back in his head as much as he does now. At least then he'd be able to think, and the only response he can give D is a brief acknowledgement that doesn't come in the form of words, but a trembling touch across their Communion.
And then it's cut. He has to find Eustace's Shard. ]
Oh no. Gray. Dokja had been so consumed with his grief that his thoughts hadn't extended that far. She's sure to be devastated just the same, and he has to squeeze his eyes shut to keep himself from spiraling even more than he already has.
While he appreciates D's warning, Dokja doesn't trust himself to speak now that the earlier panic has gripped him once more. He's useless like this, he knows, and he's never wanted the Fourth Wall back in his head as much as he does now. At least then he'd be able to think, and the only response he can give D is a brief acknowledgement that doesn't come in the form of words, but a trembling touch across their Communion.
And then it's cut. He has to find Eustace's Shard. ]
[ When the bottle is held out to him, Dokja finally raises his eyes to meet Eustace's gaze. It isn't lost on him how out of place they are, with Eustace playing caregiver when he'd been the one to just come back from the dead. It drops another ton of guilt on top of the one Dokja had already been struggling with, and it's for that reason that he shakily reaches out to accept the bottle, uncapping it to take small sips.
While his body appreciates the water after not having had any in a while, Dokja's mind remains painfully focused on his failure. He looks defeated, but most of all, he's so incredibly frightened.
For the short time that Eustace had returned to Kenos, that Gray had seemed like she had finally settled into their home, and that D had been ushered in without room for protest, things had felt... right. Just for a moment, for the briefest flicker of time, Dokja had thought that he'd managed to make something that could last, something that he could return to at the end of the day and find happiness and solace with the people around him.
And now that illusion's been shattered. As it always does and always will. Eustace had died and Dokja hadn't been able to protect him. What were his efforts for? He swallows thickly, voice hoarse and broken when he finally speaks. ]
... I'm sorry.
While his body appreciates the water after not having had any in a while, Dokja's mind remains painfully focused on his failure. He looks defeated, but most of all, he's so incredibly frightened.
For the short time that Eustace had returned to Kenos, that Gray had seemed like she had finally settled into their home, and that D had been ushered in without room for protest, things had felt... right. Just for a moment, for the briefest flicker of time, Dokja had thought that he'd managed to make something that could last, something that he could return to at the end of the day and find happiness and solace with the people around him.
And now that illusion's been shattered. As it always does and always will. Eustace had died and Dokja hadn't been able to protect him. What were his efforts for? He swallows thickly, voice hoarse and broken when he finally speaks. ]
... I'm sorry.
[ Too bad, D. It's his turn to have his lore unlocked.
At least Dokja seems more at ease now that the initial hurdle of this conversation has passed. He's still got a bone to pick with Eustace, but he's capable of compartmentalizing as he mulls over this newfound problem that he's now decided is also his problem. ]
I can try asking around too. This place is weird enough that plasma pills don't sound all that far-fetched.
[ Dokja's reader brain going brrrr because he recognizes the fiction tropes that they live in.
Also, hey, wait a minute. ]
... Does this mean you don't eat normal food?
At least Dokja seems more at ease now that the initial hurdle of this conversation has passed. He's still got a bone to pick with Eustace, but he's capable of compartmentalizing as he mulls over this newfound problem that he's now decided is also his problem. ]
I can try asking around too. This place is weird enough that plasma pills don't sound all that far-fetched.
[ Dokja's reader brain going brrrr because he recognizes the fiction tropes that they live in.
Also, hey, wait a minute. ]
... Does this mean you don't eat normal food?
[ It's not until Dokja starts drinking that Eustace finally returns his attention back to the bag in front of him, though he can't stop himself from glancing over every few seconds even as he pulls a change of clothes out.
Watching Dokja recover from his own rebirth hadn't prepared him for how exhausted he would feel now, and even tugging on a shirt feels like a monumental effort despite how lightweight the fabric is. The only saving grace is that he's far too focused on Dokja to care about the ache deep in his own muscles. Aches and pains haven't killed him before and they certainly aren't going to now. Who cares about that when one of the most important people in his life looks ready to curl into a ball and erase himself from existence?
Even if they hadn't shared the same Aspect, it would be impossible to miss the misery that rolls off the other man in waves, a burden so heavy it seems to physically weigh him down. How much of it had been a result of the Oracle as a whole and how much of it had been a result of his death in particular? It's not a pleasant question to think about either way.
He's halfway through pulling on pants when Dokja finally pipes up with the world's smallest apology. His hands still at the unexpectedness of it all, the squint to his eyes growing deeper as his brows knit together. ]
...For?
[ He literally can't imagine what Dokja could possibly need to apologize for. ]
Watching Dokja recover from his own rebirth hadn't prepared him for how exhausted he would feel now, and even tugging on a shirt feels like a monumental effort despite how lightweight the fabric is. The only saving grace is that he's far too focused on Dokja to care about the ache deep in his own muscles. Aches and pains haven't killed him before and they certainly aren't going to now. Who cares about that when one of the most important people in his life looks ready to curl into a ball and erase himself from existence?
Even if they hadn't shared the same Aspect, it would be impossible to miss the misery that rolls off the other man in waves, a burden so heavy it seems to physically weigh him down. How much of it had been a result of the Oracle as a whole and how much of it had been a result of his death in particular? It's not a pleasant question to think about either way.
He's halfway through pulling on pants when Dokja finally pipes up with the world's smallest apology. His hands still at the unexpectedness of it all, the squint to his eyes growing deeper as his brows knit together. ]
...For?
[ He literally can't imagine what Dokja could possibly need to apologize for. ]
[Oh NO.]
Thank you.
[He figures attempting to argue with Dokja will result in the man doubling down even harder in the strive to help him. Simply... accepts... this for the sake of no back-and-forth.......
Also, OH NO.]
...I can, but I don't particularly care for it.
Thank you.
[He figures attempting to argue with Dokja will result in the man doubling down even harder in the strive to help him. Simply... accepts... this for the sake of no back-and-forth.......
Also, OH NO.]
...I can, but I don't particularly care for it.
[ Now Dokja is having violent flashbacks of all the times he's made D eat normal people food. ]
... But I invited you over for dinner.
[ MATH LADY MEME ]
You ate that soup like your life depended on it.
... But I invited you over for dinner.
[ MATH LADY MEME ]
You ate that soup like your life depended on it.
...
[In all honesty, he owes no real loyalty to Gray in any formal way... However. Gray is a quiet and sweet girl he has come to appreciate, and in this moment, like at the table, he has decided to honor her compassionate attempt.]
I didn't want to insult you by refusing to eat after you had taken the time to invite me.
[THIS IS NOT EXACTLY A LIE!!! He is just omitting the part where Gray wolfed down his whole bowl.]
[In all honesty, he owes no real loyalty to Gray in any formal way... However. Gray is a quiet and sweet girl he has come to appreciate, and in this moment, like at the table, he has decided to honor her compassionate attempt.]
I didn't want to insult you by refusing to eat after you had taken the time to invite me.
[THIS IS NOT EXACTLY A LIE!!! He is just omitting the part where Gray wolfed down his whole bowl.]
[ HMMM... Dokja buys it because D has always been too polite for his own good. ]
Fine. Any more secrets [ they weren't secrets ] you want to tell me while you're at it?
[ Dokja like I can't believe the problem wasn't me it's just the people around me being cagey. ]
Fine. Any more secrets [ they weren't secrets ] you want to tell me while you're at it?
[ Dokja like I can't believe the problem wasn't me it's just the people around me being cagey. ]
[ For...? For everything, he wants to blurt out. For not being there, for not doing enough, for not being enough. He feels so hopeless, so powerless, back to that average Kim Dokja who hadn't had an ounce of control in his life as he'd gone through its necessary motions. At least when the scenarios had started, he'd known how to navigate through its process. There's no script or tale to follow here, no roundabouts or cheats, no hidden objectives or a world that loved him enough to bend to his whims.
In the future, the chances of something like this happening again looms over his head, and he hates the unpredictability of it all. What if next time it's worse? What if there's no Shard to salvage? What if, what if, what if.
He's so frightened by the thought that he starts moving again, abandoning the water bottle to throw his arms back around Eustace, hugging him tight and not at all caring about his pants only being halfway on. Fuck, Dokja had never thought of himself as the kind of person to be clingy, but after the week he's had, he thinks he deserves this. ]
I should have never let this happen.
[ It's a stupid thing to say, but he can't help saying it. It's just so easy to slip back into old habits. ]
In the future, the chances of something like this happening again looms over his head, and he hates the unpredictability of it all. What if next time it's worse? What if there's no Shard to salvage? What if, what if, what if.
He's so frightened by the thought that he starts moving again, abandoning the water bottle to throw his arms back around Eustace, hugging him tight and not at all caring about his pants only being halfway on. Fuck, Dokja had never thought of himself as the kind of person to be clingy, but after the week he's had, he thinks he deserves this. ]
I should have never let this happen.
[ It's a stupid thing to say, but he can't help saying it. It's just so easy to slip back into old habits. ]
[Whew. Well, at least D is being loyal for a good cause (Gray's sweet nature), and not for any nefarious reason. Also, damn, they weren't secrets!!
He really considers how he has so many secrets still which he doesn't think Dokja should be privy to anyway: like his ancestry, like the parasite in his hand, like his fellow OPness, like the fact he's actually got quite horny energy on the inside.
Yeah, no secrets left.]
The soup needed a little more salt.
[Well, maybe one.]
He really considers how he has so many secrets still which he doesn't think Dokja should be privy to anyway: like his ancestry, like the parasite in his hand, like his fellow OPness, like the fact he's actually got quite horny energy on the inside.
Yeah, no secrets left.]
The soup needed a little more salt.
[Well, maybe one.]
[ why does it always come back around to horny
Dokja makes a face at the criticism to his SOUP, then rolls his eyes because he's not going to take advice from a man who doesn't even enjoy normal people food!! ]
Okay, funny guy. Duly noted.
[ EXCEPT NOT... Anyway, Dokja thinks they've drawn this conversation to a close now... He wants to go back to angsting about Eustace lying to him. ]
Dokja makes a face at the criticism to his SOUP, then rolls his eyes because he's not going to take advice from a man who doesn't even enjoy normal people food!! ]
Okay, funny guy. Duly noted.
[ EXCEPT NOT... Anyway, Dokja thinks they've drawn this conversation to a close now... He wants to go back to angsting about Eustace lying to him. ]
[ It's a miracle the two of them don't go toppling over as soon as Dokja launches himself forward. The sudden tightening of arms around his torso again has Eustace grunting in surprise, heels digging into the dirt as he tries desperately to maintain his balance. It's easier once he once he slings one arm back around Dokja, more out of a sense of comfort and reassurance than any real desire to hug. His thumb digs slightly into Dokja's back, tracing slow circles against the fabric there.
(RIP his pants, held up by his one remaining hand.)
Dokja's reactions are concerning on multiple levels, the brunt of Eustace's fatigue and malaise pushed far back in the wake of all this fear and uncertainty. Death is nothing to sneeze at, even with their Shards granting them a chance at continued life, but he's managed to come back whole and with all his memories intact. There's no reason for Dokja to be acting as panicked as he is. ]
You weren't responsible for what happened.
[ The only person able to lay claim to that would be himself, for being naive enough to fall for one of the labyrinth's tricks. ]
And you aren't resposible for my safety and well-being. None of what happened was your fault.
(RIP his pants, held up by his one remaining hand.)
Dokja's reactions are concerning on multiple levels, the brunt of Eustace's fatigue and malaise pushed far back in the wake of all this fear and uncertainty. Death is nothing to sneeze at, even with their Shards granting them a chance at continued life, but he's managed to come back whole and with all his memories intact. There's no reason for Dokja to be acting as panicked as he is. ]
You weren't responsible for what happened.
[ The only person able to lay claim to that would be himself, for being naive enough to fall for one of the labyrinth's tricks. ]
And you aren't resposible for my safety and well-being. None of what happened was your fault.
[Stop, blame his probably dad.
Also WOW, maybe he still has good taste even if he doesn't wanna eat......
Dokja's reaction gets... like the TINIEST upward twitch of the corner of his mouth. He needs to go stand around Eustace now to get back more of his 🧍♂️ after almost smiling with Dokja and Gray. GOD. He must quickly abscond before it's registered.
But he does stop at the door to say,] Don't fight with Eustace. [Then he steps out.
THEY WILL ANYWAY BC BOTH OF THEM ARE DUMB.]
Also WOW, maybe he still has good taste even if he doesn't wanna eat......
Dokja's reaction gets... like the TINIEST upward twitch of the corner of his mouth. He needs to go stand around Eustace now to get back more of his 🧍♂️ after almost smiling with Dokja and Gray. GOD. He must quickly abscond before it's registered.
But he does stop at the door to say,] Don't fight with Eustace. [Then he steps out.
THEY WILL ANYWAY BC BOTH OF THEM ARE DUMB.]
[ He hears the words Eustace speaks, understands what they mean, but Dokja can't bring himself to believe them. If he isn't responsible for the safety and well-being of his loved ones, of Eustace, then what worth does he have? He's tied so much of his existence into the lives of others in the hope of finding purpose somewhere, anywhere, that the idea of not lashing out at himself for this utter failure is inconceivable to him.
The hard lump in his throat from before returns, and Dokja can't muster up a response. He's not sure he even wants to be reasoned with right now, as childish as that is, and it is childish. He should be grateful to have Eustace back. This should be a happy occasion for the both of them, reunited after being apart for a week, but he can't find an ounce of that happiness anywhere. He's always been a pessimist, prone to be too critical of himself, even though he so often masquerades under the guise of foolish confidence.
All he does want is to take Eustace back home where they both belong.
But in order to do that, Eustace has to finish dressing himself. Once more, Dokja reluctantly pulls away, but not entirely. He keeps his arms loosely around Eustace instead, gaze turned downward to stare at the space between their feet as he waits for the pants to go on. ]
The hard lump in his throat from before returns, and Dokja can't muster up a response. He's not sure he even wants to be reasoned with right now, as childish as that is, and it is childish. He should be grateful to have Eustace back. This should be a happy occasion for the both of them, reunited after being apart for a week, but he can't find an ounce of that happiness anywhere. He's always been a pessimist, prone to be too critical of himself, even though he so often masquerades under the guise of foolish confidence.
All he does want is to take Eustace back home where they both belong.
But in order to do that, Eustace has to finish dressing himself. Once more, Dokja reluctantly pulls away, but not entirely. He keeps his arms loosely around Eustace instead, gaze turned downward to stare at the space between their feet as he waits for the pants to go on. ]
[ Thanks for letting him put on pants. Even if the smart move would be to keep them half-off forever so that Eustace can continue to grill Dokja over his abject misery.
Sometimes, it's useful to share the same Aspect with Dokja, and to know on an intrinsic level what the other man is feeling. Other times, like now, it feels like a monumental burden, a reminder of all the sorrow and guilt Dokja carries inside him that Eustace can't just wave away with a few simple words as much as he wants to. If it was as easy as just staying by Dokja's side forever and never dying, they'd have nothing to worry about. But he knows - and he's sure Dokja knows - that such a future is an impossibility. There are too many variables and too many things outside of their control.
In silence, he finishes putting on his pants. The next step is grabbing and pulling on shoes, but he doesn't have the heart to shake Dokja's hold off just yet. ]
Hey. Look at me.
[ Dokja may not want to be reasoned with right now, but Eustace has never been good at maintaining boundaries. ]
Sometimes, it's useful to share the same Aspect with Dokja, and to know on an intrinsic level what the other man is feeling. Other times, like now, it feels like a monumental burden, a reminder of all the sorrow and guilt Dokja carries inside him that Eustace can't just wave away with a few simple words as much as he wants to. If it was as easy as just staying by Dokja's side forever and never dying, they'd have nothing to worry about. But he knows - and he's sure Dokja knows - that such a future is an impossibility. There are too many variables and too many things outside of their control.
In silence, he finishes putting on his pants. The next step is grabbing and pulling on shoes, but he doesn't have the heart to shake Dokja's hold off just yet. ]
Hey. Look at me.
[ Dokja may not want to be reasoned with right now, but Eustace has never been good at maintaining boundaries. ]
[ Can't believe we thought he was over his depression era.
His fingers tighten around the material of Eustace's shirt as the pants go on. All that jostling threatens to loosen Dokja's hold, but he won't let go. If Eustace had thought Dokja had been bad that first time he'd disappeared from Kenos, then oh boy, does he have a lot to look forward to once they return to Springstar.
And then the request to look at Eustace comes through, and Dokja's shoulders tense in response.
Imagine if he decided to be difficult about this, too. It would be so easy to default back to his usual brand of stubborn pettiness, but for once in his stupidly long life, he listens. He raises his exhausted gaze back up to meet Eustace's own, a faint light returning to his eyes now that the worst of the storm has been weathered. The close proximity seems to be helping, at least. ]
His fingers tighten around the material of Eustace's shirt as the pants go on. All that jostling threatens to loosen Dokja's hold, but he won't let go. If Eustace had thought Dokja had been bad that first time he'd disappeared from Kenos, then oh boy, does he have a lot to look forward to once they return to Springstar.
And then the request to look at Eustace comes through, and Dokja's shoulders tense in response.
Imagine if he decided to be difficult about this, too. It would be so easy to default back to his usual brand of stubborn pettiness, but for once in his stupidly long life, he listens. He raises his exhausted gaze back up to meet Eustace's own, a faint light returning to his eyes now that the worst of the storm has been weathered. The close proximity seems to be helping, at least. ]
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