[ He can't. Listen to this. It's not alright, he wants to say. It'll never be alright. He's made sure of that. He's... he's destroyed lives. The people he loves most. The person most important to him, the one responsible for keeping Dokja alive, the one he'd spent years supporting, loving, and wishing for that same strength that kept them moving forward when the whole world was against them...
In the end, Dokja had been that world. He'd been all the worst things about it.
And he'll never be able to make amends for it.
He raises a shaking hand to his eyes, presses his fingers against them, but it's not enough to stop the flow of tears from spilling past his fingertips. Crying is familiar to him. He doesn't know how often he'd used to sob on the floor of that subway train, but he does it enough here that it's almost become a daily ritual.
But to cry in front of someone else is a different story. Dokja grits his teeth as he tries to stop them, but the tears slip down his cheeks, follow the line of his jaw, then fall to the sheets below.
Why now? Why... can't he hold it together anymore? Had he relied so heavily on the wall in his head in the past? Now that it's gone, he can't stop himself from spiraling. Can't stop the tears, the anguish, the insanity. Can't stop the guilt from breaking him down, disintegrating whole pieces of him, shattering what's barely left of him.
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In the end, Dokja had been that world. He'd been all the worst things about it.
And he'll never be able to make amends for it.
He raises a shaking hand to his eyes, presses his fingers against them, but it's not enough to stop the flow of tears from spilling past his fingertips. Crying is familiar to him. He doesn't know how often he'd used to sob on the floor of that subway train, but he does it enough here that it's almost become a daily ritual.
But to cry in front of someone else is a different story. Dokja grits his teeth as he tries to stop them, but the tears slip down his cheeks, follow the line of his jaw, then fall to the sheets below.
Why now? Why... can't he hold it together anymore? Had he relied so heavily on the wall in his head in the past? Now that it's gone, he can't stop himself from spiraling. Can't stop the tears, the anguish, the insanity. Can't stop the guilt from breaking him down, disintegrating whole pieces of him, shattering what's barely left of him.
He's nothing but a broken man. ]