Why is Ciel even on it?! Are you two suddenly... friendly? Did something happen I'm not privy to?!
[ he huffs this petulantly while digging into his pack; Abel is pulling out two surprisingly cutely wrapped pastries - some kind of honey rolls - and passing Dokja one. ]
Abel's expression becomes far less Dumb as Shit and more... surprised, before he takes a look at the treat in his hands instead of watching his companion. a momentary beat of silence lingers between them before he heaves a quiet exhale. ]
I see.
[ ... ]
Did you... talk?
[ was Ciel amenable to that? ...though the circumstances were likely less than ideal, maybe this might help them - this opening of a gap between them. both of them. ]
[ Talk... no. Dokja had made sure not to talk about what he'd seen. ]
I felt what she felt.
[ It had been such a blur at the time, an assault on his senses, and he'd recognized it so easily. After all, it's what's consuming him, too. Them, maybe. Too much guilt for anyone to carry the weight of.
He subconsciously rubs at where the Martyr brand sits under his sleeve. ]
I didn't know... I didn't realize it until then, but she's suffering. You know that already, don't you?
[ this isn't exactly something Abel expected the two of them to discuss, but... now it's out in the air between them, Abel won't dismiss the subject. it is a delicate one for sure, and an important one.
he turns the pastry over in his fingers thoughtfully. ]
...In the cavern, because of our Legacy-- some part of her and I, I think... we blurred for a moment.
[ ... ]
It... ached, Dokja. It has been aching ever since.
[ Blurred... Yes, something similar happened with them, with Ciel's guilt and Dokja's guilt fastening together until there was no line separating the two. Like that, it was difficult to parse whose emotions belonged to who. ]
Yeah, [ he says quietly, gaze dropping down to his own roll in his hands. ] I don't understand why she does what she does, but I think...
[ And this is where he hesitates, a drawn out silence as he debates whether or not to continue before finally making up his mind. ]
[ the quiet between them stretches for a few beats; the soft sway of the breeze, of birds and wildlife, of the trickle of the river is a pleasant backdrop. despite the heavy nature of their conversation... this lapse of quiet isn't uncomfortable.
and when Abel replies, there is a small, soft smile at his lips. ]
She's lonely.
[ and perhaps that is something Dokja understands beneath all the layers of denial and copium. ]
...She's lost things she feels she can't get back, and truth be told... some of it truly is gone forever. Convinced herself she doesn't deserve any more than the pain she's found in place of that loss.
[ does any of this sound familiar? ...Abel has the sinking suspicion it might. ]
If you want to help her, Dokja - I think you could. I think you are one of the few people in Horos who might understand what she needs. She won't make it easy for you to give it to her, though.
[ It sounds uncomfortably familiar and it shows in the way he keeps his head down, afraid of what he might outwardly show as his stomach twists itself into knots.
But he'd meant what he'd said about wanting to help her. The how is the real issue. All he seems capable of doing is harming others, and if not that, then burdening them. It's that small, self-pitying voice in his ear again, and Dokja swallows thickly, tries hard to place Abel's words in front of the ones in his head. ]
I'm not great at talking to people.
[ That much has been plenty obvious. With that said, he finally lifts his head to offer a tentative smile. ]
She's never made anything easy, has she? Then again, I suppose I haven't either. [ Understatement of the century. ] I'll still try.
[ if he isn't good at talking, then... that's alright. Ciel is not the sort for useless conversation for conversation's sake, is she? no, actually, Abel thinks there might be a better way about this.
so, after shoving a giant chunk of sweet pastry in his mouth-- ]
You better than anyone should know that sometimes... just having someone there is enough. Right...? None of us... Ciel included, truly want to be alone. She may have convinced herself that she does, but-- I think you and I are equipped to know better.
[ with what they have felt through her, what they have felt through their own experiences... that lesson has been learned the hard way. hasn't it? ]
[ It's hard to believe that Abel hasn't been able to get through to her the more Dokja listens to him. Abel seems so... confident of the things he says. The way his assurances actually manage to quell uncertainties is almost uncanny, and Dokja would doubt himself more if not for the man seated in front of him now.
Of course he understands. Of course he knows. Being alone... it's the worst curse to be burdened with. ]
Yeah, [ he says, practically breathing out the response with a sigh. ] You're right.
[ And then a bit of a forced huff that could be a laugh. ]
It would be nice if this was the side of you that was out more, you know.
[ ...oh. that-- actually gets something of a surprised look from him, and as he licks sticky frosting from his fingers, he can't help but give a light, soft chuckle that definitely sounds sheepish. ]
Please don't set your expectations too high, okay? It just... someone very wise gave me a very good bit of advice I should've taken to heart much sooner than I did. I like to pay it forward now I can, because... that's precisely the sort of thing she would want.
[ if Lilith were here... if Lilith were here, Abel can only imagine how much easier life would be. for all of them. how she would know just what to do, how she could soothe the most damaged of their ranks. how she could give Dokja the words he truly deserved to hear.
but Abel is just a pale imitation, only able to offer some hollow mimicry of her gentility and kindness. it's all he has; it's all he can offer them.
...is it enough? he doesn't know. Dokja deserves better than this. ]
[ Too late, the expectations have left the planet and are in orbit. But no, even if it feels a bit silly, he's come to find that he puts a lot more weight to Abel's words than anyone else's. It's odd considering how much he hates relying on people, but with Abel it feels... like it's okay to do.
Weird. Not in a bad way, but it's not entirely pleasant either. ]
She sounds like an incredible woman.
[ He knows what it's like to draw strength from others. It's how he had managed to live for as long as he has. It's also why it had been so utterly devastating when he'd discovered that the reason for their pain and suffering had been entirely his fault. Who does that to the people they love most?
Lost in thought, he doesn't catch the rustling of bushes from behind him. What could it be... Something that's caught the scent of pastries, most likely. ]
--DOKJA?! I-is there something there?! H... hey, don't-- don't let it touch me, I don't want rabies!! Did you know if a bat so much as scratches you once you could contract a fatal case and DIE without ever knowing it even touched you?! HELP, I don't want rabies!!
[ he's just about flung himself behind his dear, sweet, miserable friend and using Dokja as a human shield to hide from the doubtlessly... uh, dangerous... dastardly... demon!!! alliteration!!!!! ]
[ At least give him a second to realize what's going on!!!
Having missed the initial bush rustling, he's so deeply puzzled when Abel suddenly uses him as a meat shield?? But then the rustling starts back up and instead of growing concerned or suspicious, Dokja's really just. Wondering why they're out here if Abel is this afraid of wildlife??? THEY'RE IN NATURE?
When the sounds grow closer and closer, Dokja finally tenses in preparation for a fight, getting his feet under him in case he has to spring up...
....... Only for that to be completely unnecessary because a bunny(?) with wings(?) bounds out from the foliage. ]
...Abel is still cowing behind Dokja despite the appearance of an adorable?? ADORABLE?? fluffy little friend, here, and he's... leaning a little further over his meat shield friend's shoulder to peer at it. ]
I-is this... yours?
[ did you bring this here, Dokja? you're weird, okay, he's just checking. ]
[ Look at him... Look at how he can barely take care of himself!!
The bunnybird doesn't appear all that interested in this conversation and starts hopping around a few feet from them, occasionally lifting its nose to sniff at the air. ]
[ It's really come to a point where Dokja is so used to Abel being up in his personal space that he hardly even notices.
He watches the winged rabbit tentatively keep its distance from these two very stranger danger men for a while before finally glancing down at the roll in his hands. ]
... Bread won't kill it, right?
[ It's not like there are Do Not Feed the Wildlife signs in the valley... ]
...There's only one way to find out, right? --You try it.
[ he gives Dokja a pointed nudge. yeah, Dokja!!! YOU feed the bun-thing the potentially fatal dose of delicious dough-y goodness so, if it does make it ill, he can melodramatically blame you for it later okay? thanks 🥰🙏 ]
[ broh they're really playing with a mutant rabbit's life right now.
But as instructed, Dokja tears off a small piece of the honey roll he'd been given and tosses it over to where the creature is still hopping around.
... And after a couple of sniffs, it starts munching on the bread, taking off even smaller chunks before its little mouth and cheeks do that moving thing that rabbits do when they eat. ]
[ what's a mutant rabbit's life between friends, huh? huh?? huh????
...whatever, man, there's so much wrong with the two of them it's fine to add one more thing to the list, probably. Abel is watching as Dokja feeds the Bnuny, and... o-oh. ]
Oh.
[ oh. ]
Sh-she's... she's so cute?
[ Abel, also potentially misgendering this Bnuny, and contrarian to Dokja just because he can? ]
Do you think she wants more~? G-give her more, Dokja. --Ah. Will she let you pet her~?
[ Okay, yes, this is actually the perfect way to get rid of this roll. Dokja tosses a couple more pieces at him or her, watching on as it gobbles up the bread.
Hungry little fellow... ]
What if he has rabies?
[ Yeah, Dokja's sticking with male until one of them is proven wrong. And this time, it's his turn to nudge Abel in the ribs. ]
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That's where my list ends, Abel.
[ Eustace would definitely not join. ]
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[ he huffs this petulantly while digging into his pack; Abel is pulling out two surprisingly cutely wrapped pastries - some kind of honey rolls - and passing Dokja one. ]
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He'll take it but he'll give it dubious looks the entire time it's in his hands. ]
Weren't you the one who told me there's something about her? Well, I saw it. Some of it. Back at Venera.
[ When everyone was sick. ]
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Abel's expression becomes far less Dumb as Shit and more... surprised, before he takes a look at the treat in his hands instead of watching his companion. a momentary beat of silence lingers between them before he heaves a quiet exhale. ]
I see.
[ ... ]
Did you... talk?
[ was Ciel amenable to that? ...though the circumstances were likely less than ideal, maybe this might help them - this opening of a gap between them. both of them. ]
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I felt what she felt.
[ It had been such a blur at the time, an assault on his senses, and he'd recognized it so easily. After all, it's what's consuming him, too. Them, maybe. Too much guilt for anyone to carry the weight of.
He subconsciously rubs at where the Martyr brand sits under his sleeve. ]
I didn't know... I didn't realize it until then, but she's suffering. You know that already, don't you?
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he turns the pastry over in his fingers thoughtfully. ]
...In the cavern, because of our Legacy-- some part of her and I, I think... we blurred for a moment.
[ ... ]
It... ached, Dokja. It has been aching ever since.
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Yeah, [ he says quietly, gaze dropping down to his own roll in his hands. ] I don't understand why she does what she does, but I think...
[ And this is where he hesitates, a drawn out silence as he debates whether or not to continue before finally making up his mind. ]
I'd like to help her.
[ Somehow. In some way. ]
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and when Abel replies, there is a small, soft smile at his lips. ]
She's lonely.
[ and perhaps that is something Dokja understands beneath all the layers of denial and copium. ]
...She's lost things she feels she can't get back, and truth be told... some of it truly is gone forever. Convinced herself she doesn't deserve any more than the pain she's found in place of that loss.
[ does any of this sound familiar? ...Abel has the sinking suspicion it might. ]
If you want to help her, Dokja - I think you could. I think you are one of the few people in Horos who might understand what she needs. She won't make it easy for you to give it to her, though.
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But he'd meant what he'd said about wanting to help her. The how is the real issue. All he seems capable of doing is harming others, and if not that, then burdening them. It's that small, self-pitying voice in his ear again, and Dokja swallows thickly, tries hard to place Abel's words in front of the ones in his head. ]
I'm not great at talking to people.
[ That much has been plenty obvious. With that said, he finally lifts his head to offer a tentative smile. ]
She's never made anything easy, has she? Then again, I suppose I haven't either. [ Understatement of the century. ] I'll still try.
[ With the amount of time he has left. ]
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[ if he isn't good at talking, then... that's alright. Ciel is not the sort for useless conversation for conversation's sake, is she? no, actually, Abel thinks there might be a better way about this.
so, after shoving a giant chunk of sweet pastry in his mouth-- ]
You better than anyone should know that sometimes... just having someone there is enough. Right...? None of us... Ciel included, truly want to be alone. She may have convinced herself that she does, but-- I think you and I are equipped to know better.
[ with what they have felt through her, what they have felt through their own experiences... that lesson has been learned the hard way. hasn't it? ]
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Of course he understands. Of course he knows. Being alone... it's the worst curse to be burdened with. ]
Yeah, [ he says, practically breathing out the response with a sigh. ] You're right.
[ And then a bit of a forced huff that could be a laugh. ]
It would be nice if this was the side of you that was out more, you know.
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Please don't set your expectations too high, okay? It just... someone very wise gave me a very good bit of advice I should've taken to heart much sooner than I did. I like to pay it forward now I can, because... that's precisely the sort of thing she would want.
[ if Lilith were here... if Lilith were here, Abel can only imagine how much easier life would be. for all of them. how she would know just what to do, how she could soothe the most damaged of their ranks. how she could give Dokja the words he truly deserved to hear.
but Abel is just a pale imitation, only able to offer some hollow mimicry of her gentility and kindness. it's all he has; it's all he can offer them.
...is it enough? he doesn't know. Dokja deserves better than this. ]
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Weird. Not in a bad way, but it's not entirely pleasant either. ]
She sounds like an incredible woman.
[ He knows what it's like to draw strength from others. It's how he had managed to live for as long as he has. It's also why it had been so utterly devastating when he'd discovered that the reason for their pain and suffering had been entirely his fault. Who does that to the people they love most?
Lost in thought, he doesn't catch the rustling of bushes from behind him. What could it be... Something that's caught the scent of pastries, most likely. ]
1/2
[ --ah!!!!
Abel's answer to that flattery - well-deserved, by the way - is cut short by the sudden sound of rustling from the brush, and-- ]
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[ he's just about flung himself behind his dear, sweet, miserable friend and using Dokja as a human shield to hide from the doubtlessly... uh, dangerous... dastardly... demon!!! alliteration!!!!! ]
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Having missed the initial bush rustling, he's so deeply puzzled when Abel suddenly uses him as a meat shield?? But then the rustling starts back up and instead of growing concerned or suspicious, Dokja's really just. Wondering why they're out here if Abel is this afraid of wildlife??? THEY'RE IN NATURE?
When the sounds grow closer and closer, Dokja finally tenses in preparation for a fight, getting his feet under him in case he has to spring up...
....... Only for that to be completely unnecessary because a bunny(?) with wings(?) bounds out from the foliage. ]
Uh.
[ Glances back at Abel like "this is it????" ]
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...Abel is still cowing behind Dokja despite the appearance of an adorable?? ADORABLE?? fluffy little friend, here, and he's... leaning a little further over his
meat shieldfriend's shoulder to peer at it. ]I-is this... yours?
[ did you bring this here, Dokja? you're weird, okay, he's just checking. ]
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[ Look at him... Look at how he can barely take care of himself!!
The bunnybird doesn't appear all that interested in this conversation and starts hopping around a few feet from them, occasionally lifting its nose to sniff at the air. ]
Oh. I think it's here because of the bread.
[ You want the honey roll, little buddy?? ]
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[ YEAH, Dokja, clearly you have a storied history of pulling odd animals out of your hat or something?? gosh. the gall.
but Abel is peering a bit further over his dear bud's shoulder, which means he's kinda. like. draping...... over him at this point, ]
W-wait, you think it's hungry...? Ah. Should we... feed it? Is that safe?
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He watches the winged rabbit tentatively keep its distance from these two very stranger danger men for a while before finally glancing down at the roll in his hands. ]
... Bread won't kill it, right?
[ It's not like there are Do Not Feed the Wildlife signs in the valley... ]
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[ he gives Dokja a pointed nudge. yeah, Dokja!!! YOU feed the bun-thing the potentially fatal dose of delicious dough-y goodness so, if it does make it ill, he can melodramatically blame you for it later okay? thanks 🥰🙏 ]
Just-- a little piece, for starters? Maybe!
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But as instructed, Dokja tears off a small piece of the honey roll he'd been given and tosses it over to where the creature is still hopping around.
... And after a couple of sniffs, it starts munching on the bread, taking off even smaller chunks before its little mouth and cheeks do that moving thing that rabbits do when they eat. ]
Hey, he likes it.
[ Genders the rabbit without knowing anything. ]
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...whatever, man, there's so much wrong with the two of them it's fine to add one more thing to the list, probably. Abel is watching as Dokja feeds the Bnuny, and... o-oh. ]
Oh.
[ oh. ]
Sh-she's... she's so cute?
[ Abel, also potentially misgendering this Bnuny, and contrarian to Dokja just because he can? ]
Do you think she wants more~? G-give her more, Dokja. --Ah. Will she let you pet her~?
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Hungry little fellow... ]
What if he has rabies?
[ Yeah, Dokja's sticking with male until one of them is proven wrong. And this time, it's his turn to nudge Abel in the ribs. ]
You try petting him.
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the way i literally CACKLED
dismantles ur eustace cr
dismantles ur face...???????
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