[ Typical. Why start something, then? Or, he doesn't care? The provoking responses Dokja could fire back needle at his thoughts, but he doesn't send those replies. He probably would have, if this had been weeks earlier. But things have changed.
Dokja has been starting to change.
Instead, he thinks about what someone had once told him when he'd admitted that he thought communication to be impossible with those that didn't want to hear it. That there were too many walls in place for him to get anywhere.
"Write on the wall."
... ]
It's one of the only things I'm good at.
[ Dokja tries for a touch of humor in his usual self-deprecating way, but he's uncertain how Eustace will take it. The wall between them is looming and large, neither of them capable of seeing the other past it. But, on Dokja's side, he'll leave a mark. The way he had been advised to all those years ago.
"At least the wall has changed. Then one day, someone might read it." ]
really sad this is before the shittalking post, i played myself
[ dokja has been starting to change, as dokja immediately goes to speedrun his own death two months after arriving in horos
But that's fast-forward to sometime in the future and this is some time in the nebulous past present, and Eustace, ever the god-awful communicator, pauses in his bed, a momentary cloud of confusion passing over his face. Good at what, going to sleep? (Though, truly, that's an admirable skill if there ever is one.) Why is Dokja even continuing this conversation instead of going to sleep?
Then he rewinds a little, scrolling through the scant four lines that've been exchanged to arrive at the original traitorous thought that had sparked all of this.
There's another bout of silence, carefully curated to feel as indifferent as possible, as as he accepts the answer and rolls it around in his head. It's not a bad trait to have, to care too much, but if he's learned anything from personal experience it's that caring always comes back around to bite someone in the ass. ]
You seemed proficient enough in a number of things, back in the cave.
Back in the cave...? Ah, of course. Dokja immediately gets what it is Eustace is alluding to, and a tinge of amusement seeps through their communion. It's not mocking in any way, more like he thinks a funny joke was made.
But then it's quickly smothered a beat later. To be honest, Dokja hates this method of communication? He's not in control of his emotions enough for this. ]
How's your wrist? Did you get it looked after?
[ He tries to keep his response casual and airy, tries not to think about the prickle of guilt sitting uncomfortably in his heart. It's not like he'd relished in the action, but dire times, right? He doesn't expect Eustace to hold it against him. Doesn't seem like the type to.
... Or that's at least what Dokja's been telling himself. ]
[ Dokja can at least rest easy in knowing that he is correct in this one assumption. ]
It's fine.
[ Said with indifference, not a single shred of anger or animosity coloring his tone whatsoever. Injury is a natural and unavoidable part of battle, and as far as he's concerned Dokja had done what he'd had to do. They both had. And better to limp out of the cave with merely a broken wrist than with his corpse bleeding out on the cold stone ground. ]
Why? Are you planning on breaking it again?
[ It's..........half-joking, half-serious, though as far as jokes go this one is pretty bad and also barely obvious. Sometell teach this man how to smile the next time he cracks shitty jokes, or at least to inject some humor into his (mind) voice. ]
[ That's a weight off his chest. Dokja has killed and maimed before but they were always nobodies to him, and to spare them or his actions a single thought would have been been a waste of his time.
He's not exactly sure what it is about Eustace that has him feeling differently. Their shared moments in the cave? Their stupid back and forths? That would require Dokja to know himself. ]
If you give me a reason to.
[ He matches the half-joking and half-serious tone in his response. ]
Or maybe I'll just do it the next time I see you depending on my mood.
[ This one... is a little less joking. He's still annoyed at Eustace, after all. ]
Back in his room, Eustace gives the empty section of his bedroom wall A Look, one that Dokja can neither see nor feel. He hadn't pegged Dokja as the kind of man to mess with a person just for the hell of it, but then again, what does he really know about this man? Half an hour spent in his company and a few pained looks in the midst of battle does not a deep and lasting friendship make. ]
Wouldn't it be more efficient to just kill me? Or are you the type of man that prefers torturing his victims first?
[ If the latter, please make that known so Eustace can go find another man to kill him first, thanks. ]
Also, umm, what kind of impression Dokja made?? Sure, he'll break wrists and go out of his way to punch teenagers in the face, but it's not like he's a murderer for the heck of it. The thought of killing Eustace has never crossed his mind and he passes along how startled he feels at hearing it. ]
I'm not going to kill you just because you're stupid enough to buy into whatever the Kenoma are feeding you.
[ Who died and made Dokja god? (Don't answer that.)
Dokja's eyeroll is felt loud and clear, and there's an immediate wave of displeasure that spikes out in reply. Eustace has never once claimed to be any sort of role model, worthy of people's respect and admiration, but to be made into some of kind of evil villain simply for taking a calculated risk?
Bullshit. Nothing in the world is so black and white.
It's as though walls spring up his mind, the brief burst of annoyance quickly smothered by a familiar ice cold indifference. ]
Are you stupid enough to assume everyone who accepted the Kenoma believes in what the Regent says?
[ Can Dokja just use his head for once in his life instead of following the tiny voice in his gut that tells him to run headfirst into danger? ]
Do us both a favor and kill me the next time you see me.
[ No, actually. Dokja's first instinct is to judge people based off of first impressions and to unkindly pigeonhole them into certain categories as if he knows them. As if he's clever enough to read them right off the bat, when truthfully, he doesn't understand people at all.
It's what happens when all he does is read about characters and their stories do all the work for him, telling him of their motives and ambitions and personalities.
He doesn't know what actual people are like. ]
Why else would you accept the Kenoma? If you don't believe in what the Regent says, you at least believe in the destruction of our worlds, don't you?
[ Even as he says this, his grip on the stone tightens. Eustace doesn't believe in what the Regent says...? Is he trying to fool Dokja here? ]
[ A part of him wants to be forthright, to yank the moral high ground towel from right underneath Dokja's feet. But after so many years spent as the Society's lap dog, he knows better than to hand out motivations willy-nilly, especially to a near stranger on the opposite side of a war. It's not like he has any moral high ground to speak of anyway.
A handful of seconds, deliberate and heavy, pass before he speaks up. ]
[ If only he were good with words... If only he knew what to say at a time like this. What would the others respond with? What would the people more noble and willing to try and sway those who had gone to the side of the Kenoma do?
Frustration lances through their connection with Dokja's internal struggle at how to answer too obvious to hide. Ultimately, it's the truth that comes out, and it's so incredibly simple. ]
I don't have any reason to believe you.
[ They're strangers. They haven't had any time to be more than that. ]
[ Maybe it's odd, but he feels a strange sense of relief at the reply. It's a reaffirmation of the line drawn between them, a reminder of how they should be viewing each other: as enemies first and foremost.
Even if there might have been the slim possibility of them ending up on the same side as a pair of bickering friends, it's gone now, snatched away as soon as he'd chosen to accept the Kenoma into him. Or so he tells himself; easier to carry out any mission assigned to him if he eliminates any possible distraction. ]
[ Now why does Eustace have to go and say complicated things like that to make him doubt?? Better for everyone? How?
No. As much as he hates to admit it, this is some bullshit that Dokja would say. ]
Better for just you, you mean.
[ It's convenient, isn't it, Eustace? To have people turn their backs, to have it so they won't have any expectations, no disappointments. It isn't possible to let down someone who already knows to be let down. ]
[ If Dokja is hoping to get any sort of rise with that barb, he'll have to settle for disappointment. There's no change in feeling on the other end, cool indifference still rooted in the atmospheric spacetime between them. Mostly because Dokja isn't wrong; Eustace knows full well that he's a bastard most days, and he's lived long enough with the weight of foolish past decisions balanced on his shoulders. ]
That makes two of us then.
[ Agree to disagree or agree to agree, it doesn't matter. There's clearly nothing to be gained from continuing this conversation. If anything, he's learned the valuable lesson of being stricter with where his thoughts go while he's still conscious. ]
[ Haah, what a fucked up move this had been from Eustace. Here Dokja had been ready to settle into the night with only his depression for company, and now he has to deal with whatever the hell this is as well. Nevermind that it had momentarily distracted him from his loneliness, it's still annoying.
Still confusing.
His restlessness ripples through to the other side, something fatigued and wary. He hasn't slept properly in days, doesn't think he will for longer than that, and he can't wrap his mind around what it is he's learned about Eustace tonight.
Without any parting words, Dokja simply ends their communion, tucking his shard back into place while the book he'd started on falls to the side. It's going to be another long night with just him and his thoughts. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i will NOT
Dokja has been starting to change.
Instead, he thinks about what someone had once told him when he'd admitted that he thought communication to be impossible with those that didn't want to hear it. That there were too many walls in place for him to get anywhere.
"Write on the wall."
... ]
It's one of the only things I'm good at.
[ Dokja tries for a touch of humor in his usual self-deprecating way, but he's uncertain how Eustace will take it. The wall between them is looming and large, neither of them capable of seeing the other past it. But, on Dokja's side, he'll leave a mark. The way he had been advised to all those years ago.
"At least the wall has changed. Then one day, someone might read it." ]
really sad this is before the shittalking post, i played myself
But that's fast-forward to sometime in the future and this is some time in the nebulous
pastpresent, and Eustace, ever the god-awful communicator, pauses in his bed, a momentary cloud of confusion passing over his face. Good at what, going to sleep? (Though, truly, that's an admirable skill if there ever is one.) Why is Dokja even continuing this conversation instead of going to sleep?Then he rewinds a little, scrolling through the scant four lines that've been exchanged to arrive at the original traitorous thought that had sparked all of this.
There's another bout of silence, carefully curated to feel as indifferent as possible, as as he accepts the answer and rolls it around in his head. It's not a bad trait to have, to care too much, but if he's learned anything from personal experience it's that caring always comes back around to bite someone in the ass. ]
You seemed proficient enough in a number of things, back in the cave.
[ Like breaking bones, for instance. ]
guess he'll just have to message dokja again
Back in the cave...? Ah, of course. Dokja immediately gets what it is Eustace is alluding to, and a tinge of amusement seeps through their communion. It's not mocking in any way, more like he thinks a funny joke was made.
But then it's quickly smothered a beat later. To be honest, Dokja hates this method of communication? He's not in control of his emotions enough for this. ]
How's your wrist? Did you get it looked after?
[ He tries to keep his response casual and airy, tries not to think about the prickle of guilt sitting uncomfortably in his heart. It's not like he'd relished in the action, but dire times, right? He doesn't expect Eustace to hold it against him. Doesn't seem like the type to.
... Or that's at least what Dokja's been telling himself. ]
no??? it's dokja's turn next
It's fine.
[ Said with indifference, not a single shred of anger or animosity coloring his tone whatsoever. Injury is a natural and unavoidable part of battle, and as far as he's concerned Dokja had done what he'd had to do. They both had. And better to limp out of the cave with merely a broken wrist than with his corpse bleeding out on the cold stone ground. ]
Why? Are you planning on breaking it again?
[ It's..........half-joking, half-serious, though as far as jokes go this one is pretty bad and also barely obvious. Sometell teach this man how to smile the next time he cracks shitty jokes, or at least to inject some humor into his (mind) voice. ]
that is true........
He's not exactly sure what it is about Eustace that has him feeling differently. Their shared moments in the cave? Their stupid back and forths? That would require Dokja to know himself. ]
If you give me a reason to.
[ He matches the half-joking and half-serious tone in his response. ]
Or maybe I'll just do it the next time I see you depending on my mood.
[ This one... is a little less joking. He's still annoyed at Eustace, after all. ]
:)
Back in his room, Eustace gives the empty section of his bedroom wall A Look, one that Dokja can neither see nor feel. He hadn't pegged Dokja as the kind of man to mess with a person just for the hell of it, but then again, what does he really know about this man? Half an hour spent in his company and a few pained looks in the midst of battle does not a deep and lasting friendship make. ]
Wouldn't it be more efficient to just kill me? Or are you the type of man that prefers torturing his victims first?
[ If the latter, please make that known so Eustace can go find another man to kill him first, thanks. ]
no subject
Also, umm, what kind of impression Dokja made?? Sure, he'll break wrists and go out of his way to punch teenagers in the face, but it's not like he's a murderer for the heck of it. The thought of killing Eustace has never crossed his mind and he passes along how startled he feels at hearing it. ]
I'm not going to kill you just because you're stupid enough to buy into whatever the Kenoma are feeding you.
[ The eyeroll from Dokja can almost be felt. ]
pours one out for this thread
Dokja's eyeroll is felt loud and clear, and there's an immediate wave of displeasure that spikes out in reply. Eustace has never once claimed to be any sort of role model, worthy of people's respect and admiration, but to be made into some of kind of evil villain simply for taking a calculated risk?
Bullshit. Nothing in the world is so black and white.
It's as though walls spring up his mind, the brief burst of annoyance quickly smothered by a familiar ice cold indifference. ]
Are you stupid enough to assume everyone who accepted the Kenoma believes in what the Regent says?
[ Can Dokja just use his head for once in his life instead of following the tiny voice in his gut that tells him to run headfirst into danger? ]
Do us both a favor and kill me the next time you see me.
NAUR
It's what happens when all he does is read about characters and their stories do all the work for him, telling him of their motives and ambitions and personalities.
He doesn't know what actual people are like. ]
Why else would you accept the Kenoma? If you don't believe in what the Regent says, you at least believe in the destruction of our worlds, don't you?
[ Even as he says this, his grip on the stone tightens. Eustace doesn't believe in what the Regent says...? Is he trying to fool Dokja here? ]
Tell me that I'm wrong.
no subject
A handful of seconds, deliberate and heavy, pass before he speaks up. ]
Would you believe me even if I did?
[ Not that it'll really matter, in the end. ]
no subject
Frustration lances through their connection with Dokja's internal struggle at how to answer too obvious to hide. Ultimately, it's the truth that comes out, and it's so incredibly simple. ]
I don't have any reason to believe you.
[ They're strangers. They haven't had any time to be more than that. ]
no subject
Even if there might have been the slim possibility of them ending up on the same side as a pair of bickering friends, it's gone now, snatched away as soon as he'd chosen to accept the Kenoma into him. Or so he tells himself; easier to carry out any mission assigned to him if he eliminates any possible distraction. ]
Keep it that way. It'll be better for everyone.
[ Will it though? (Yes.) ]
no subject
No. As much as he hates to admit it, this is some bullshit that Dokja would say. ]
Better for just you, you mean.
[ It's convenient, isn't it, Eustace? To have people turn their backs, to have it so they won't have any expectations, no disappointments. It isn't possible to let down someone who already knows to be let down. ]
You really are a stupid bastard.
no subject
That makes two of us then.
[ Agree to disagree or agree to agree, it doesn't matter. There's clearly nothing to be gained from continuing this conversation. If anything, he's learned the valuable lesson of being stricter with where his thoughts go while he's still conscious. ]
no subject
Still confusing.
His restlessness ripples through to the other side, something fatigued and wary. He hasn't slept properly in days, doesn't think he will for longer than that, and he can't wrap his mind around what it is he's learned about Eustace tonight.
Without any parting words, Dokja simply ends their communion, tucking his shard back into place while the book he'd started on falls to the side. It's going to be another long night with just him and his thoughts. ]