But there's no attempt being made on the other side to muffle any of the noises within. Eustace has better things to do (and a lack of understanding of Dokja's current condition )than to bother moderating his actions.
True to his word, he doesn't spend too much time in the shower. Past the brief minute he allows himself to stare blankly at the tiled wall in front of him, he moves with his usual efficiency, and it's not long until he's drying himself off with the provided towel and pulling on a clean set of clothes, blessedly free of dirt and sweat. He might be back at 100%, but he's feeling much better than when he crawled out of Alenroux with Johnny on his back.
Or, was, until he opens the door and sees Dokja sitting on the floor like some sort of sad abandoned animal left out in the rain.
The sense of unease from before grows, spreading out further underneath his skin, and he doesn't waste any in striding across the bedroom, not stopping until he's looming over Dokja a foot away. His damp towel hangs limply from one hand, forgotten in the wake of this more pressing concern. ]
Hey. [ It comes out a little more curt than he intends, worry twisting into brusqueness out of habit. ] What's going on?
[ Because there is definitely something going on here. No normal person huddles on the ground with their eyes trained on the door while their housemate showers for five minutes. ]
[ It's easy to wait five minutes, especially while disassociating. It's only when he hears the bathroom door start to open that he snaps back to full consciousness, and Eustace's reappearance instantly removes a heavy weight that had sat itself upon Dokja's chest. He'd only just started to get used to not having Eustace around the house, and to suddenly have him back means readjusting quickly.
... Uh?
Whatever Dokja had wanted to say fades away as Eustace strides over to him, and the question is entirely unexpected as well. Blinking a couple of times in confusion, Dokja hurries to get to his feet, not wanting to crane his neck to look up the entire time. ]
What? [ He sounds genuinely confused. ] What do you mean?
[ He straightens to a stand, though there's not really any place to go with his back to the wall and Eustace right in front of him. Like this, it might be easier to see the subtle change to one of his eyes, or the way that white scales gleam against the side of his neck, continuing on and disappearing under the collar of his shirt, or how his canines have elongated enough to the point of nearly being fangs. A lot seems to have changed in the time Eustace was gone. ]
[ Hard to tell if Dokja's telling the truth or if he's simply feigning ignorance. Not that it really matters. The disquiet that's clung to him ever since he'd woken up earlier that day only grows, expanding in the pit of his stomach and turning his muscles stiff. It doesn't help that, this close, he can catch the uneven glint of light off shimmering scales and the strange discoloration in one eye. His frown deepens without him realizing.
What the fuck is going on? Just what exactly had he missed? Were these changes that he'd always been meant to undergo? Or had this place done something to him in its usual cruel and uncaring way?
His old habit of bulldozing forward until he gets the answers he wants threatens to break past the surface, the itch to grab Dokja by the shirt collar tingling in his fingertips. Instead he curls his hands into tighter fists, subduing the urge to demand instead of understand with a careful inhale of breath. ]
Were you sitting here the entire time? Were you that worried something was going to happen?
[ It doesn't take a genius - or their aspect connection - to notice the concern that radiates off him. ]
[ Oh. The concern wraps around him like tendrils, easy to recognize but hard to discern amidst his own worries feeding back toward him. He hadn't really given it too much thought what it must look like, what he must look like, curled up against the wall and willing to wait however long for Eustace to reemerge. It had just been an instinct, an anxious hope.
He doesn't respond right away, fingers reaching forward to take hold of the hem of Eustace's shirt. They absentmindedly rub at the material there, and Dokja wonders if Eustace can recognize it as being his shirt, back when he'd brought the few belongings that he could after his house had been destroyed. Dokja had kept everything, which reminds him to return the gun soon, but for now, he nods stiffly. ]
Yeah.
[ His voice is quiet as he drops his gaze to focus on where his fingers still run across the shirt's hem. He doesn't know what Eustace had been through while gone, if that time had been a blink of an eye, or if the days had been as agonizingly long as they'd been for Dokja. So much had happened, more than he wants to think back on, but significant losses have left him feeling more alone than ever. ]
Sooyoung disappeared, too. Around the same time you did.
It's not like he can't understand. If anything, he ought to understand more than anyone what it feels like to be abruptly left behind without any warning, the sole person remaining after everyone else has vanished without a trace. The misery that threatens to pull everything under into its depths, the unreasonable fear of losing even more despite any lack of evidence pointing to the contrary.
Worry turns to guilt, and that in turn shifts to a heavy sorrow. The trials of that morning seem so distant now, his own predicament paling in the wake of the wreckage left behind.
His free hand finally loosens, fingers lifting to curl lightly over the ones tugging at his shirt hem. Not to stop the idle movements of Dokja's hands, but simply to provide another layer of reassurance. ]
I can't promise I won't disappear again. [ He doesn't have the knowledge nor the power to guarantee it, and he's never been in the habit of making promises he can't keep. ] But I won't go anywhere without telling you beforehand, while I'm here.
[ His fingers still once others come to join him, and Dokja doesn't even think as he releases the shirt to curl his hand into Eustace's instead. He'd never really done anything like this before Kenos, but strangely enough, it's become a regular thing between the two of them here, and he won't deny that it comes as a comfort. It's easy to slot their hands together like this, fingers intertwined, the heat of their palms held close, and Dokja hadn't realized how much he'd missed it until now.
He won't lie and say that he isn't disappointed at not hearing a promise, but he knows that's unreasonable of him. Neither of them are in control of the situation they're in, and a sharp pang shoots through his heart at that reminder.
If only he could do something. A dark, possessive thought creeps along the corners of his mind, but Dokja's quick to recognize it as not belonging to him, and he smothers it before it manifests to the surface. He... has to be careful now. Even more than before.
With a shaking exhale, he nods once more. ]
Okay, [ he says softly, not sounding entirely convinced. ] I'll try, but... it might take a couple of days.
[ Dokja finally glances back up to meet Eustace's gaze before quickly looking away. He's not used to admitting things like this. He's not sure why it puts an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach, or why he's suddenly so aware of their proximity to each other. ]
I won't follow you everywhere, but while you're home, I'd just... want to be around.
[ Maybe it's a good thing that he doesn't have anything immediate to take care of now that he's back, and can just lounge at home for the next few days. (Home. Strange to call a place that when he's avoided using that term for so long, but that's what this house and the people inside have become to him now.)
He doesn't waste any time in replying, nodding his head once in agreement. ]
Sure.
[ An easy enough request to agree to, especially when the benefits of acquiesing far outweigh the costs. They've grown used to each other enough in the past year that the additional company no longer bothers him, and he has to admit that it'll be nice to keep an eye on Dokja too while he can. ]
Do I need to move my bed in here so you can be nearby even while I'm asleep?
[ It's a joke mostly (and also kind of creepy) but if it'll go a ways in easing some of that overwhelming anxiety, he'll go and move that bed right now. It's a small price to pay, after all. ]
[ Yes, home. Get used to it. The first time Dokja had let that word slip in conversation, he'd paused in both disbelief and mild horror, but it's gotten easier to say the more he says it. And with Eustace back, with him here, it feels more like home than before with the way they comfortably slot back into their well-established dynamic. Dokja doesn't even bother hiding the relief on his face when Eustace agrees, anxiety now finally starting to bleed away. ]
What for? We've both fit on this bed before.
[ He doesn't think about his words as he says them, only a moment's pause to show that he's caught what he'd said a little too late. But rather than awkwardly dwell on it, Dokja just barges on ahead.
Strangely, he finds that he doesn't have the energy to care about how it sounds. ]
Are you tired? Did you want to rest for a bit? I can read next to you while you do.
[ No promises not to watch Eustace while he sleeps, though. You know, just to make sure he's actually there and breathing. Not for any other creepy reasons! ]
[ Dokja's really out here suggesting that they sleep together again without even blinking an eye, huh.
That's fine, Eustace will pause long enough for the both of them, head tilting a centimeter to the left as he processes all of those words in succession. Dokja really doesn't see what's wrong with two grown men sharing the same bed for several days in a row, does he? The boundaries between them are quickly growing blurred, more lines in the sand erased the longer they spend in each other's company. It makes him nervous, for reasons he can't quite (or rather, doesn't fully want to) articulate.
Well. Dokja isn't wrong. They have both fit on the bed together before. And it would be easier than dragging a whole-ass bed back and forth over the span of the next week. He stamps down on his unease and lets the suggestion slide, his silence on the subject a tacit acceptance of the suggestion. ]
I'm fine. [ Sure, he's tired, but it's not anything that needs to be addressed immediately. A couple nights of good sleep should do the trick. ] What about you? You look like you haven't slept in days.
He seriously doesn't look at all bothered by his own suggestion of sharing the bed, and why should he? He's utilizing the tried-and-true method of not thinking about the things he says, and just choosing to say them regardless of potential outcomes. He trusts Eustace to not think too deeply about it either, because that's the kind of people they are.
But with the attention now rounding on him, he looks a bit uncomfortable, especially when he's still trapped between Eustace and the wall like this. Dokja glances away, an uncertain smile in place as he moves to slide to the side to create more distance between them. ]
Oh, you know me. Not much of a sleeper.
[ That much has always been true. It's just that these days, he can't stand to close his eyes and sink into the darkness. It feels like something's waiting for him there, which sounds childishly ridiculous, but it's a newfound fear that's manifested itself with his growing Discord. ]
i take it back, i'm making my own dreams come true
[ nvm we're making a tiny kabedon happen, who else is gonna read this thread anyway
Regardless, that's the shittiest nonexcuse he's ever heard in his life and there's an unreal amount of judgment in his eyes as he stares down at Dokja trying to weasel his way out. Mercifcully (for Dokja), Eustace still thinks the restlessness is tied to plain old anxiety and nothing more sinister. That, and they're both out of sorts right now. Any interrogations can be saved for later days, after things have smoothed out.
The good news is that he doesn't ask any further questions. The bad news is that he falls on old habits, the hand with the towel coming up to rest against the wall and block any attempt at a covert exit. Don't go anywhere, buddy. ]
Take a nap. [ That's a demand, by the way, not a suggestion. ] Before you fall over and crack your head open on a side table.
[ A man can only survive on sheer determination and coffee for so long. ]
[ Wow. Dokja's thoughts immediately blank out when Eustace kabedons him, and he is effectively held in place. What is this... It's not like he's some schoolgirl in an empty hallway with the quiet, popular guy suddenly basking him in attention, but it sure feels that way for a Reason that he refuses to delve into.
Blinking away the absurdity of this situation, Dokja forces himself to meet Eustace's gaze with an incredulous look of his own. How is he supposed to sleep, become totally unconscious, when he's the one trying to obsessively keep an eye on Eustace who has just returned? He can't do both things at once. ]
I'm not tired.
[ Which is extremely hard to believe given how exhausted he looks, but he stubbornly sets his jaw in the usual way that makes it obvious that he won't be budged from this in the slightest. Bet Eustace missed this. ]
You take a nap. Or at least lie down. What even happened to you in the time you were gone?
[ He doesn't waste a second in sending back that retort, the single arched eyebrow on his face a clear indicator of how much he believes the lies Dokja's spouting right now. Bet Dokja missed this too. Not even half an hour in and they've already reverted back to their usual state of squaring off with each other, neither side refusing to budge until the other relents first. ]
I'll nap when you do.
[ Which means neither of them are going to nap and both of them are going to pass out from exhaustion and Gray is going to have to once again clean up the messes of the grown men around her. Truly, she is so overworked.
In one area he does relent though, and that's to give a (somewhat) truthful answer about his whereabouts, expression softening just slightly as he answers. ]
I don't know what happened while I was gone. One minute I was still here, the next minute I was in the dark in Alenroux.
[ He opts not to mention the unsettling fragments of memory that had come with his awakening in Alenroux. No point stressing Dokja out any further when he's already so on edge. ]
[ There really isn't a single give with either of them, especially when it comes down to the stupidest things. Dokja has to fight the actual urge to roll his eyes at the retort, though at least they manage to avoid petty sniping as the conversation's topic shifts to something more sobering.
The concern from before flares back up, and his gaze shifts ever so slightly to the glowing outline of Eustace's Shard, now able to be seen past the hair covering it because of the experiment Aetos had done to Dokja's eye. ]
Do you feel okay?
[ He reaches for Eustace's face, unthinking in his actions, then stops short when he realizes what he's doing. His fingers curl, and then he decides to place that hand on Eustace's arm, the one doing the kabedoning, instead. ]
No changes? No... memories of being in an unfamiliar place?
[ Odd questions to be asking, but Dokja still can't shake the absolute shock that had wracked his entire body and mind when Aetos had withdrawn Yoo Joonghyuk's Shard from seemingly out of nowhere, his demands to know where they'd gotten it unanswered. He'd nearly driven himself mad during that time in captivity wondering if Aetos had somehow gotten their hands on Eustace's Shard as well. ]
[ What an awfully suspicious line of questioning. A little too pointed not to have some sort of ulterior motive behind them, and he's suddenly reminded of what Gavial had offered up when he and Johnny had run into her earlier, unsettling news about kidnappings and experimentation.
He'd certainly considered the possibility of having been kidnapped as he made his way back to Springstar, but without any concrete evidence it seems more trouble than it's worth to broach that topic now. Especially with Dokja acting the way he is. ]
...No.
[ Maybe Dokja can tell he's not being entirely truthful though from the way he hesitates before answering, a longer lull than usual filling the space between.
But what is he supposed to say, that he woke up with hazy memories of too-bright light illuminating a dark shadow looming over him? That he'd spent the first hour of his return feeling sick to his stomach thanks to a suffocating feeling of dread that something wasn't quite right? It would only serve to make Dokja's anxieties that much worse, and that's the last thing they both need right now.
The words aren't that much of a lie anyway; a brief flash of something barely constitutes enough to form any sort of solid memory.
His fingers flex against the wall, then drop down back to his side. He's tired. They're both tired. They can pick up the threads of this conversation later. His other hand stays where it is though, curled around Dokja's fingers, and as he pulls back and turns towards the bed, he none-too-gently tugs Dokja along with him. ]
Take a nap with me. You can worry more later.
[ Apparently he still has enough energy to be demanding. ]
[ Don't think he doesn't notice that slight pause in between getting an answer, and his eyebrows immediately draw together in concern. As a professional liar and secret keeper, he recognizes the signs that something is being kept from him, but before he can make a fuss about it, he's being pulled over to the bed. ]
But—
[ The protest ends up dying in his throat as he thinks about it. If he refuses to nap, then Eustace won't nap either, and he doesn't want that. At the same time, Dokja's a bit tense as they make the short walk over to the bed. Sleep has been restless and fleeting for him ever since he'd returned from Aetos's lab, and that's a side of himself that he doesn't want to potentially expose to Eustace should the night terrors come.
It's so silly how much neither of them wants to burden the other with their troubles.
In an effort to avoid questions, Dokja relents for now. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed, before he reluctantly releases Eustace's hand so that he can swing his feet over. He doesn't lie down just yet, shoulders resting against the headboard with a pillow tucked against his back as he waits for Eustace to join him.
At least he's so preoccupied with his unpredictable state that he's not being too awkward about the bedsharing situation. And honestly, at this point and with what they've been through together, he doesn't know if he can even muster up that sort of awkwardness from before. ]
[ Is this progress? Maybe. They can both pretend that the momentary lull in their stubborn warfare can count as progress as they get settled in bed.
At least one of them's feeling okay about this bedsharing situation, because Eustace, for all his bravado in suggesting they take a nap together, is feeling vaguely ill at ease about the whole thing for reasons he's pointedly not thinking about. It's fine though, it'll all be fine. Who cares about his pesky discomfort if it means he can get Dokja into bed and headed towards a much needed break in snoozeland.
Though even that is proving to be more difficult than anticpated, as he pauses halfway into bed to stare at Dokja casually propped up against the headboard. ]
With an exasperated look on his face, Dokja kicks at the covers, then slides down into them until he's lying down properly. His pillow is no longer against his back, but beneath his head, and he stares at the ceiling with a frown. It feels like he is vaguely being treated as some kind of unruly child.
Probably because he's acting like one. ]
Happy now?
[ And then he turns his face toward Eustace, waiting for him to get into bed too. This is a team effort. ]
[ Can't believe Gray is the most mature person in this house despite being the youngest by a wide margin.
But thanks, he's satisfied. Or at least, satisfied to follow suit and slide in under the covers, until they're both lying on their backs staring up at the ceiling. Look at this beautiful progress. If only the mood weren't so horribly awkward. But it's okay, because Eustace has a plan. Is it a good plan? Absolutely not, but it is still A Plan.
Instead of answering the question like a reasonable person, he simply says (or more accurately, simply demands): ]
Turn around.
[ To face him ideally but if he wants to face the wall that's okay too. ]
The long delay after the demand comes for a number of reasons, the first being that Dokja doesn't know where he's supposed to be turning to? The second is that he's debating whether or not it's worth it to refuse the order like a jerk and remain where he is. But seriously, turn around where?
When he finally does turn, it's to face Eustace, but only so that he can ask. ]
[ He didn't think it was that difficult of a request? Why is it taking Dokja so long? (Frederick voice) Pick a side and turn??
Eustace looks vaguely annoyed by the time Dokja does turn around (though really, what else is new with him) and, as per usual, once again chooses not to answer the question posed to him. (But again, what else is new with him.) Instead, he also turns onto his side so he can stare at Dokja for a long moment, as if considering something inside his head. Once his decision is apparently made, he reaches out a hand, grabs Dokja by the arm, and tugs him close enough so that he can envelope the other man in a weird side hug.
Not to make anything less awkward, because this is definitely a hundred times more awkward than before, but simply because he doesn't trust Dokja not to weasel out of bed the second his own eyes droop closed. At least this way there'll be some resistance put up.
It sure would be nice if he said anything to explain himself right now, but instead he is just going to lay in bed in silence like a creep. ]
[ What a turn of events, and Dokja is left reeling as he's pulled forward, his face suddenly tucked against Eustace's clavicle. For a second, he's stunned, his eyes wide as he stares at nothing in particular, whole body tense. It's not like this is new for them either, but it still manages to feel like the first time, his heart rapidly beating in his chest.
... It's not discomfort that spills out of him, though. This close, Dokja can feel Eustace's own heartbeat, and that alone eventually relaxes him as he practically sinks against the other man. ]
What the hell...
[ At odds with his words, their Exalt connection twines ever closer, and it's pure happiness and relief on Dokja's end. There's a small lift of his lips that he's quick to hide as he turns his face inward, one arm coming to rest around Eustace to hold him close in return. It's not lost on Dokja how right this feels, how content he is. There's a giddiness welling up inside of him that's difficult to ignore, but most of all, he feels completely safe. Maybe that's why his eyes are quick to slip closed as exhaustion finally sets in, and maybe that's why his mind shuts off with the knowledge that he can let his guard down here. Dokja won't say it in words, but the feeling that he gives off is clearly felt.
[ He'd expected more pushback, verbally or physically or both, so it's surprising when Dokja gives in near immediately, face sinking into his shoulder and one arm wrapping around in a similar motion. Surprising and worrying, because how bad must things have been while he was gone for a simple hug to elicit a reaction like this? Despite the contentment that resonates through their connection his heart aches, and his arm tightens even more around Dokja.
But there's no point worrying now about what he could have done. There's only the present and the future lying in front of them, and if this is what it takes it ensure that Dokja feels safe and convinced of his presence then this is what he'll do every night until those fears shrink back into the shadows. If his heart beats too loud in his chest and he's left acutely aware of every small movement in front of him....well, it's not like he hasn't had plenty of practice suppressing emotions that might otherwise interfere with his day to day life.
Though here, in the safety of their house, the privacy of their room, it's easier to loosen the chokehold on his feelings. Little by little, his body relaxes and his breathing evens out. His worries from before fade away, replaced by a contentment to match Dokja's own. For now they can both be honest with each other, with their feelings if not their words. ]
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no subject
But there's no attempt being made on the other side to muffle any of the noises within. Eustace has better things to do (and a lack of understanding of Dokja's current condition )than to bother moderating his actions.
True to his word, he doesn't spend too much time in the shower. Past the brief minute he allows himself to stare blankly at the tiled wall in front of him, he moves with his usual efficiency, and it's not long until he's drying himself off with the provided towel and pulling on a clean set of clothes, blessedly free of dirt and sweat. He might be back at 100%, but he's feeling much better than when he crawled out of Alenroux with Johnny on his back.
Or, was, until he opens the door and sees Dokja sitting on the floor like some sort of sad abandoned animal left out in the rain.
The sense of unease from before grows, spreading out further underneath his skin, and he doesn't waste any in striding across the bedroom, not stopping until he's looming over Dokja a foot away. His damp towel hangs limply from one hand, forgotten in the wake of this more pressing concern. ]
Hey. [ It comes out a little more curt than he intends, worry twisting into brusqueness out of habit. ] What's going on?
[ Because there is definitely something going on here. No normal person huddles on the ground with their eyes trained on the door while their housemate showers for five minutes. ]
no subject
... Uh?
Whatever Dokja had wanted to say fades away as Eustace strides over to him, and the question is entirely unexpected as well. Blinking a couple of times in confusion, Dokja hurries to get to his feet, not wanting to crane his neck to look up the entire time. ]
What? [ He sounds genuinely confused. ] What do you mean?
[ He straightens to a stand, though there's not really any place to go with his back to the wall and Eustace right in front of him. Like this, it might be easier to see the subtle change to one of his eyes, or the way that white scales gleam against the side of his neck, continuing on and disappearing under the collar of his shirt, or how his canines have elongated enough to the point of nearly being fangs. A lot seems to have changed in the time Eustace was gone. ]
no subject
What the fuck is going on? Just what exactly had he missed? Were these changes that he'd always been meant to undergo? Or had this place done something to him in its usual cruel and uncaring way?
His old habit of bulldozing forward until he gets the answers he wants threatens to break past the surface, the itch to grab Dokja by the shirt collar tingling in his fingertips. Instead he curls his hands into tighter fists, subduing the urge to demand instead of understand with a careful inhale of breath. ]
Were you sitting here the entire time? Were you that worried something was going to happen?
[ It doesn't take a genius - or their aspect connection - to notice the concern that radiates off him. ]
no subject
He doesn't respond right away, fingers reaching forward to take hold of the hem of Eustace's shirt. They absentmindedly rub at the material there, and Dokja wonders if Eustace can recognize it as being his shirt, back when he'd brought the few belongings that he could after his house had been destroyed. Dokja had kept everything, which reminds him to return the gun soon, but for now, he nods stiffly. ]
Yeah.
[ His voice is quiet as he drops his gaze to focus on where his fingers still run across the shirt's hem. He doesn't know what Eustace had been through while gone, if that time had been a blink of an eye, or if the days had been as agonizingly long as they'd been for Dokja. So much had happened, more than he wants to think back on, but significant losses have left him feeling more alone than ever. ]
Sooyoung disappeared, too. Around the same time you did.
no subject
It's not like he can't understand. If anything, he ought to understand more than anyone what it feels like to be abruptly left behind without any warning, the sole person remaining after everyone else has vanished without a trace. The misery that threatens to pull everything under into its depths, the unreasonable fear of losing even more despite any lack of evidence pointing to the contrary.
Worry turns to guilt, and that in turn shifts to a heavy sorrow. The trials of that morning seem so distant now, his own predicament paling in the wake of the wreckage left behind.
His free hand finally loosens, fingers lifting to curl lightly over the ones tugging at his shirt hem. Not to stop the idle movements of Dokja's hands, but simply to provide another layer of reassurance. ]
I can't promise I won't disappear again. [ He doesn't have the knowledge nor the power to guarantee it, and he's never been in the habit of making promises he can't keep. ] But I won't go anywhere without telling you beforehand, while I'm here.
[ That much he can offer freely. ]
So you don't need to worry so much.
no subject
He won't lie and say that he isn't disappointed at not hearing a promise, but he knows that's unreasonable of him. Neither of them are in control of the situation they're in, and a sharp pang shoots through his heart at that reminder.
If only he could do something. A dark, possessive thought creeps along the corners of his mind, but Dokja's quick to recognize it as not belonging to him, and he smothers it before it manifests to the surface. He... has to be careful now. Even more than before.
With a shaking exhale, he nods once more. ]
Okay, [ he says softly, not sounding entirely convinced. ] I'll try, but... it might take a couple of days.
[ Dokja finally glances back up to meet Eustace's gaze before quickly looking away. He's not used to admitting things like this. He's not sure why it puts an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach, or why he's suddenly so aware of their proximity to each other. ]
I won't follow you everywhere, but while you're home, I'd just... want to be around.
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He doesn't waste any time in replying, nodding his head once in agreement. ]
Sure.
[ An easy enough request to agree to, especially when the benefits of acquiesing far outweigh the costs. They've grown used to each other enough in the past year that the additional company no longer bothers him, and he has to admit that it'll be nice to keep an eye on Dokja too while he can. ]
Do I need to move my bed in here so you can be nearby even while I'm asleep?
[ It's a joke mostly (and also kind of creepy) but if it'll go a ways in easing some of that overwhelming anxiety, he'll go and move that bed right now. It's a small price to pay, after all. ]
no subject
What for? We've both fit on this bed before.
[ He doesn't think about his words as he says them, only a moment's pause to show that he's caught what he'd said a little too late. But rather than awkwardly dwell on it, Dokja just barges on ahead.
Strangely, he finds that he doesn't have the energy to care about how it sounds. ]
Are you tired? Did you want to rest for a bit? I can read next to you while you do.
[ No promises not to watch Eustace while he sleeps, though. You know, just to make sure he's actually there and breathing. Not for any other creepy reasons! ]
no subject
That's fine, Eustace will pause long enough for the both of them, head tilting a centimeter to the left as he processes all of those words in succession. Dokja really doesn't see what's wrong with two grown men sharing the same bed for several days in a row, does he? The boundaries between them are quickly growing blurred, more lines in the sand erased the longer they spend in each other's company. It makes him nervous, for reasons he can't quite (or rather, doesn't fully want to) articulate.
Well. Dokja isn't wrong. They have both fit on the bed together before. And it would be easier than dragging a whole-ass bed back and forth over the span of the next week. He stamps down on his unease and lets the suggestion slide, his silence on the subject a tacit acceptance of the suggestion. ]
I'm fine. [ Sure, he's tired, but it's not anything that needs to be addressed immediately. A couple nights of good sleep should do the trick. ] What about you? You look like you haven't slept in days.
[ Sorry, but Dokja does not look great. ]
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He seriously doesn't look at all bothered by his own suggestion of sharing the bed, and why should he? He's utilizing the tried-and-true method of not thinking about the things he says, and just choosing to say them regardless of potential outcomes. He trusts Eustace to not think too deeply about it either, because that's the kind of people they are.
But with the attention now rounding on him, he looks a bit uncomfortable, especially when he's still trapped between Eustace and the wall like this. Dokja glances away, an uncertain smile in place as he moves to slide to the side to create more distance between them. ]
Oh, you know me. Not much of a sleeper.
[ That much has always been true. It's just that these days, he can't stand to close his eyes and sink into the darkness. It feels like something's waiting for him there, which sounds childishly ridiculous, but it's a newfound fear that's manifested itself with his growing Discord. ]
i take it back, i'm making my own dreams come true
Regardless, that's the shittiest nonexcuse he's ever heard in his life and there's an unreal amount of judgment in his eyes as he stares down at Dokja trying to weasel his way out. Mercifcully (for Dokja), Eustace still thinks the restlessness is tied to plain old anxiety and nothing more sinister. That, and they're both out of sorts right now. Any interrogations can be saved for later days, after things have smoothed out.
The good news is that he doesn't ask any further questions. The bad news is that he falls on old habits, the hand with the towel coming up to rest against the wall and block any attempt at a covert exit. Don't go anywhere, buddy. ]
Take a nap. [ That's a demand, by the way, not a suggestion. ] Before you fall over and crack your head open on a side table.
[ A man can only survive on sheer determination and coffee for so long. ]
:3 kabeustace...
Blinking away the absurdity of this situation, Dokja forces himself to meet Eustace's gaze with an incredulous look of his own. How is he supposed to sleep, become totally unconscious, when he's the one trying to obsessively keep an eye on Eustace who has just returned? He can't do both things at once. ]
I'm not tired.
[ Which is extremely hard to believe given how exhausted he looks, but he stubbornly sets his jaw in the usual way that makes it obvious that he won't be budged from this in the slightest. Bet Eustace missed this. ]
You take a nap. Or at least lie down. What even happened to you in the time you were gone?
yeah it's dokja's turn next....kabedokja
[ He doesn't waste a second in sending back that retort, the single arched eyebrow on his face a clear indicator of how much he believes the lies Dokja's spouting right now. Bet Dokja missed this too. Not even half an hour in and they've already reverted back to their usual state of squaring off with each other, neither side refusing to budge until the other relents first. ]
I'll nap when you do.
[ Which means neither of them are going to nap and both of them are going to pass out from exhaustion and Gray is going to have to once again clean up the messes of the grown men around her. Truly, she is so overworked.
In one area he does relent though, and that's to give a (somewhat) truthful answer about his whereabouts, expression softening just slightly as he answers. ]
I don't know what happened while I was gone. One minute I was still here, the next minute I was in the dark in Alenroux.
[ He opts not to mention the unsettling fragments of memory that had come with his awakening in Alenroux. No point stressing Dokja out any further when he's already so on edge. ]
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The concern from before flares back up, and his gaze shifts ever so slightly to the glowing outline of Eustace's Shard, now able to be seen past the hair covering it because of the experiment Aetos had done to Dokja's eye. ]
Do you feel okay?
[ He reaches for Eustace's face, unthinking in his actions, then stops short when he realizes what he's doing. His fingers curl, and then he decides to place that hand on Eustace's arm, the one doing the kabedoning, instead. ]
No changes? No... memories of being in an unfamiliar place?
[ Odd questions to be asking, but Dokja still can't shake the absolute shock that had wracked his entire body and mind when Aetos had withdrawn Yoo Joonghyuk's Shard from seemingly out of nowhere, his demands to know where they'd gotten it unanswered. He'd nearly driven himself mad during that time in captivity wondering if Aetos had somehow gotten their hands on Eustace's Shard as well. ]
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He'd certainly considered the possibility of having been kidnapped as he made his way back to Springstar, but without any concrete evidence it seems more trouble than it's worth to broach that topic now. Especially with Dokja acting the way he is. ]
...No.
[ Maybe Dokja can tell he's not being entirely truthful though from the way he hesitates before answering, a longer lull than usual filling the space between.
But what is he supposed to say, that he woke up with hazy memories of too-bright light illuminating a dark shadow looming over him? That he'd spent the first hour of his return feeling sick to his stomach thanks to a suffocating feeling of dread that something wasn't quite right? It would only serve to make Dokja's anxieties that much worse, and that's the last thing they both need right now.
The words aren't that much of a lie anyway; a brief flash of something barely constitutes enough to form any sort of solid memory.
His fingers flex against the wall, then drop down back to his side. He's tired. They're both tired. They can pick up the threads of this conversation later. His other hand stays where it is though, curled around Dokja's fingers, and as he pulls back and turns towards the bed, he none-too-gently tugs Dokja along with him. ]
Take a nap with me. You can worry more later.
[ Apparently he still has enough energy to be demanding. ]
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But—
[ The protest ends up dying in his throat as he thinks about it. If he refuses to nap, then Eustace won't nap either, and he doesn't want that. At the same time, Dokja's a bit tense as they make the short walk over to the bed. Sleep has been restless and fleeting for him ever since he'd returned from Aetos's lab, and that's a side of himself that he doesn't want to potentially expose to Eustace should the night terrors come.
It's so silly how much neither of them wants to burden the other with their troubles.
In an effort to avoid questions, Dokja relents for now. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed, before he reluctantly releases Eustace's hand so that he can swing his feet over. He doesn't lie down just yet, shoulders resting against the headboard with a pillow tucked against his back as he waits for Eustace to join him.
At least he's so preoccupied with his unpredictable state that he's not being too awkward about the bedsharing situation. And honestly, at this point and with what they've been through together, he doesn't know if he can even muster up that sort of awkwardness from before. ]
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At least one of them's feeling okay about this bedsharing situation, because Eustace, for all his bravado in suggesting they take a nap together, is feeling vaguely ill at ease about the whole thing for reasons he's pointedly not thinking about. It's fine though, it'll all be fine. Who cares about his pesky discomfort if it means he can get Dokja into bed and headed towards a much needed break in snoozeland.
Though even that is proving to be more difficult than anticpated, as he pauses halfway into bed to stare at Dokja casually propped up against the headboard. ]
Are you going to sleep like that?
[ At least lie down all the way first. ]
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With an exasperated look on his face, Dokja kicks at the covers, then slides down into them until he's lying down properly. His pillow is no longer against his back, but beneath his head, and he stares at the ceiling with a frown. It feels like he is vaguely being treated as some kind of unruly child.
Probably because he's acting like one. ]
Happy now?
[ And then he turns his face toward Eustace, waiting for him to get into bed too. This is a team effort. ]
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But thanks, he's satisfied. Or at least, satisfied to follow suit and slide in under the covers, until they're both lying on their backs staring up at the ceiling. Look at this beautiful progress. If only the mood weren't so horribly awkward. But it's okay, because Eustace has a plan. Is it a good plan? Absolutely not, but it is still A Plan.
Instead of answering the question like a reasonable person, he simply says (or more accurately, simply demands): ]
Turn around.
[ To face him ideally but if he wants to face the wall that's okay too. ]
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The long delay after the demand comes for a number of reasons, the first being that Dokja doesn't know where he's supposed to be turning to? The second is that he's debating whether or not it's worth it to refuse the order like a jerk and remain where he is. But seriously, turn around where?
When he finally does turn, it's to face Eustace, but only so that he can ask. ]
What? To look at the wall?
[ Is Eustace feeling shy... ]
thanks for catering to my needs
Eustace looks vaguely annoyed by the time Dokja does turn around (though really, what else is new with him) and, as per usual, once again chooses not to answer the question posed to him. (But again, what else is new with him.) Instead, he also turns onto his side so he can stare at Dokja for a long moment, as if considering something inside his head. Once his decision is apparently made, he reaches out a hand, grabs Dokja by the arm, and tugs him close enough so that he can envelope the other man in a weird side hug.
Not to make anything less awkward, because this is definitely a hundred times more awkward than before, but simply because he doesn't trust Dokja not to weasel out of bed the second his own eyes droop closed. At least this way there'll be some resistance put up.
It sure would be nice if he said anything to explain himself right now, but instead he is just going to lay in bed in silence like a creep. ]
my screaming is still heard in the distance
... It's not discomfort that spills out of him, though. This close, Dokja can feel Eustace's own heartbeat, and that alone eventually relaxes him as he practically sinks against the other man. ]
What the hell...
[ At odds with his words, their Exalt connection twines ever closer, and it's pure happiness and relief on Dokja's end. There's a small lift of his lips that he's quick to hide as he turns his face inward, one arm coming to rest around Eustace to hold him close in return. It's not lost on Dokja how right this feels, how content he is. There's a giddiness welling up inside of him that's difficult to ignore, but most of all, he feels completely safe. Maybe that's why his eyes are quick to slip closed as exhaustion finally sets in, and maybe that's why his mind shuts off with the knowledge that he can let his guard down here. Dokja won't say it in words, but the feeling that he gives off is clearly felt.
He's so glad that Eustace is back. ]
like yaywon screaming for kisumi
But there's no point worrying now about what he could have done. There's only the present and the future lying in front of them, and if this is what it takes it ensure that Dokja feels safe and convinced of his presence then this is what he'll do every night until those fears shrink back into the shadows. If his heart beats too loud in his chest and he's left acutely aware of every small movement in front of him....well, it's not like he hasn't had plenty of practice suppressing emotions that might otherwise interfere with his day to day life.
Though here, in the safety of their house, the privacy of their room, it's easier to loosen the chokehold on his feelings. Little by little, his body relaxes and his breathing evens out. His worries from before fade away, replaced by a contentment to match Dokja's own. For now they can both be honest with each other, with their feelings if not their words. ]