this is the second time he's stalled out or hesitated when they discussed his age, and Abel's giving him the arch of a brow in a mixture of concern and perplexity. b-bro? you good? ]
Um... it's been a while, I take it? When is your birthday, anyway?
[ yes, because struggling to remember your birth month is a common occurrence...
...Abel's silent for a moment, and maybe there is a deepening of some Concern that ripples through their shared connection as Martyrs. hm. just-- perhaps? y-yeah, ]
I see... and what did you do to celebrate your last one?
[ Abel's asking for a reason, here, seeing if being more specific might jog memories for his friend... or, maybe, gauging just how Concerned he needs to be about his swiss cheese brain, ]
[ His last birthday?? Well, he spent quite a few of them alone, that's for sure.
Abel's concern is honestly warranted because Dokja is blanking on these personal questions. It could be that it's been too long or it could be that he gave those memories away to the other half of himself. He's not quite certain.
But he does know one thing, ]
I don't celebrate my birthdays.
[ In fact, he's pretty sure he just ended up crying at the last one he remembers. ]
[ ...oh, Dokja; Abel is humming softly in response to that, and don't mind him if he is fixing his friend with a steady look of that Concern. yes, a big hearty helping of it, in fact - the sort that just radiates "bro? you good bro? no? ok" energy, yeah, ]
Hm. I'm not sure what month it is here in Horos considering the calendar, but... it seems like your birthday would've been coming up shortly if we were going off of where time was left in my world. So, maybe we ought to have a little get-together, one of these days?
[ a nice reason to get the gang in one place... to enjoy some relaxation in good company. that wouldn't be too bad, would it? ]
[ He is fine?? Not in the conventional sense of the word, but he is Existing as well as he can.
... Which is very poorly.
Dokja's very much taken aback by the offer, though. No one's ever suggested they do something for his birthday before, not after his family had splintered apart when he'd been too young, so this is... Weird. It's weird, right? ]
You don't have to do that. [ SERIOUSLY. ] Really, I should be asking you if you want to do anything for your birthday. It feels like you're always so busy taking care of others.
[ ah. deflection again; he sees this, and he's waving his hand in the same way he must have at least a dozen times thus far as they continue along through the flowery fields of the Valley. ]
Of course I don't have to do that, but it would be nice! Don't you think so...? Do you have a restaurant or bar you like to go to in particular, Dokja? Or maybe we could get together in Greentruth somewhere a little more private and low key, just a little group of us... mm? What do you think?
[ clearly he isn't going to accept 'no,' so. you know, perhaps it's best to pick his poison? is he sure he wants to leave it in Abel's hands...........
because they both surely know where that might lead to, right, ]
[ They're going to get to this campsite eventually.
And GOD, okay, fine. He just has to rip this off like a band-aid. Abel is too persistent for his own good, but that's also how he's managed to get Dokja this far, so. ]
I guess I would prefer private and with a smaller group.
[ Because what about him screams "party guy"? Take one look at him and anyone can see he's a shut-in. But if it's just a few people, then he doesn't see any issue with that... ]
[ i might be drawing it out to see how long it takes for you to say something 🥰
okay whatever they're coming up on it now, because this thread will take literally 80 years if i keep trolling you. which I'm fine with bc everything else is suffering rn but you know,
Abel's "campsite" isn't... conventional; there is no tent or shelter - but there doesn't truly need to be considering that, oddly enough, the weather in the valley is always pleasant and temperate and does not suffer the pitfalls of other regions of Horos. there's a clearing a bit from the edges of the wildflowers' bloom, one that leads directly into the fresh, clean stretch of river. it's peaceful; it's quiet.
and the priest is hauling the pack off his shoulder, settling it down right into the grass... and flopping to sit right there without further preamble. ]
Private and with a smaller group... mm, mm, that's definitely doable~! So, Ernesto would definitely be in for sure... hm. Who else would you say is on your shortlist to invite? Who are you chummy with, anyway?
The long awaited campsite is literally camp-less and Dokja is not even a little bit surprised by this. He follows suit in dumping his own pack on the ground before taking a seat, all the while looking around and taking in their surroundings.
It's... nice? He hasn't been here since escaping the suffer cave and he'd never really paused to admire how beautiful the valley is, so this is almost brand new for him. Maybe he really should come by here more often and he's so deep in thought he almost misses Abel's question. ]
Oh. [ Is two people not enough? Three including Dokja? That's a whole group right there! ] What about Dextera?
[ He likes Dextera... And that's about the whole group right there. He's been working his damned hardest to keep people at arm's length. ]
Dextera! Yes, of course, I'm sure he would be more than happy to come with...! Especially if there's food involved, naturally.
[ but as Abel says this, he is fixing Dokja with an expectant, happily patient look. as if he is, indeed, waiting for the rest of all Dokja's friends to come pouring out of his mouth any second now, haha. just wait for it!! the list has GOT to be huge, right? enormous!! you can fit so much friendship in this bad boy,
...
okay he's only getting like one more name tops isn't he, ]
Dokja....... stares back. Like he's not sure what Abel is waiting for. D-does he want more names?? Well, he can think of a couple of others, but they're, uh. They're Kenoma.
But Abel looks so expectant so he might as well say one more name. ]
Why is Ciel even on it?! Are you two suddenly... friendly? Did something happen I'm not privy to?!
[ he huffs this petulantly while digging into his pack; Abel is pulling out two surprisingly cutely wrapped pastries - some kind of honey rolls - and passing Dokja one. ]
Abel's expression becomes far less Dumb as Shit and more... surprised, before he takes a look at the treat in his hands instead of watching his companion. a momentary beat of silence lingers between them before he heaves a quiet exhale. ]
I see.
[ ... ]
Did you... talk?
[ was Ciel amenable to that? ...though the circumstances were likely less than ideal, maybe this might help them - this opening of a gap between them. both of them. ]
[ Talk... no. Dokja had made sure not to talk about what he'd seen. ]
I felt what she felt.
[ It had been such a blur at the time, an assault on his senses, and he'd recognized it so easily. After all, it's what's consuming him, too. Them, maybe. Too much guilt for anyone to carry the weight of.
He subconsciously rubs at where the Martyr brand sits under his sleeve. ]
I didn't know... I didn't realize it until then, but she's suffering. You know that already, don't you?
[ this isn't exactly something Abel expected the two of them to discuss, but... now it's out in the air between them, Abel won't dismiss the subject. it is a delicate one for sure, and an important one.
he turns the pastry over in his fingers thoughtfully. ]
...In the cavern, because of our Legacy-- some part of her and I, I think... we blurred for a moment.
[ ... ]
It... ached, Dokja. It has been aching ever since.
[ Blurred... Yes, something similar happened with them, with Ciel's guilt and Dokja's guilt fastening together until there was no line separating the two. Like that, it was difficult to parse whose emotions belonged to who. ]
Yeah, [ he says quietly, gaze dropping down to his own roll in his hands. ] I don't understand why she does what she does, but I think...
[ And this is where he hesitates, a drawn out silence as he debates whether or not to continue before finally making up his mind. ]
[ the quiet between them stretches for a few beats; the soft sway of the breeze, of birds and wildlife, of the trickle of the river is a pleasant backdrop. despite the heavy nature of their conversation... this lapse of quiet isn't uncomfortable.
and when Abel replies, there is a small, soft smile at his lips. ]
She's lonely.
[ and perhaps that is something Dokja understands beneath all the layers of denial and copium. ]
...She's lost things she feels she can't get back, and truth be told... some of it truly is gone forever. Convinced herself she doesn't deserve any more than the pain she's found in place of that loss.
[ does any of this sound familiar? ...Abel has the sinking suspicion it might. ]
If you want to help her, Dokja - I think you could. I think you are one of the few people in Horos who might understand what she needs. She won't make it easy for you to give it to her, though.
[ It sounds uncomfortably familiar and it shows in the way he keeps his head down, afraid of what he might outwardly show as his stomach twists itself into knots.
But he'd meant what he'd said about wanting to help her. The how is the real issue. All he seems capable of doing is harming others, and if not that, then burdening them. It's that small, self-pitying voice in his ear again, and Dokja swallows thickly, tries hard to place Abel's words in front of the ones in his head. ]
I'm not great at talking to people.
[ That much has been plenty obvious. With that said, he finally lifts his head to offer a tentative smile. ]
She's never made anything easy, has she? Then again, I suppose I haven't either. [ Understatement of the century. ] I'll still try.
[ if he isn't good at talking, then... that's alright. Ciel is not the sort for useless conversation for conversation's sake, is she? no, actually, Abel thinks there might be a better way about this.
so, after shoving a giant chunk of sweet pastry in his mouth-- ]
You better than anyone should know that sometimes... just having someone there is enough. Right...? None of us... Ciel included, truly want to be alone. She may have convinced herself that she does, but-- I think you and I are equipped to know better.
[ with what they have felt through her, what they have felt through their own experiences... that lesson has been learned the hard way. hasn't it? ]
[ It's hard to believe that Abel hasn't been able to get through to her the more Dokja listens to him. Abel seems so... confident of the things he says. The way his assurances actually manage to quell uncertainties is almost uncanny, and Dokja would doubt himself more if not for the man seated in front of him now.
Of course he understands. Of course he knows. Being alone... it's the worst curse to be burdened with. ]
Yeah, [ he says, practically breathing out the response with a sigh. ] You're right.
[ And then a bit of a forced huff that could be a laugh. ]
It would be nice if this was the side of you that was out more, you know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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this is the second time he's stalled out or hesitated when they discussed his age, and Abel's giving him the arch of a brow in a mixture of concern and perplexity. b-bro? you good? ]
Um... it's been a while, I take it? When is your birthday, anyway?
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He's even struggling to remember his birthday. ]
... February.
[ That month sounds right. ]
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...Abel's silent for a moment, and maybe there is a deepening of some Concern that ripples through their shared connection as Martyrs. hm. just-- perhaps? y-yeah, ]
I see... and what did you do to celebrate your last one?
[ Abel's asking for a reason, here, seeing if being more specific might jog memories for his friend... or, maybe, gauging just how Concerned he needs to be about his swiss cheese brain, ]
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Abel's concern is honestly warranted because Dokja is blanking on these personal questions. It could be that it's been too long or it could be that he gave those memories away to the other half of himself. He's not quite certain.
But he does know one thing, ]
I don't celebrate my birthdays.
[ In fact, he's pretty sure he just ended up crying at the last one he remembers. ]
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Hm. I'm not sure what month it is here in Horos considering the calendar, but... it seems like your birthday would've been coming up shortly if we were going off of where time was left in my world. So, maybe we ought to have a little get-together, one of these days?
[ a nice reason to get the gang in one place... to enjoy some relaxation in good company. that wouldn't be too bad, would it? ]
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... Which is very poorly.
Dokja's very much taken aback by the offer, though. No one's ever suggested they do something for his birthday before, not after his family had splintered apart when he'd been too young, so this is... Weird. It's weird, right? ]
You don't have to do that. [ SERIOUSLY. ] Really, I should be asking you if you want to do anything for your birthday. It feels like you're always so busy taking care of others.
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Of course I don't have to do that, but it would be nice! Don't you think so...? Do you have a restaurant or bar you like to go to in particular, Dokja? Or maybe we could get together in Greentruth somewhere a little more private and low key, just a little group of us... mm? What do you think?
[ clearly he isn't going to accept 'no,' so. you know, perhaps it's best to pick his poison? is he sure he wants to leave it in Abel's hands...........
because they both surely know where that might lead to, right, ]
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And GOD, okay, fine. He just has to rip this off like a band-aid. Abel is too persistent for his own good, but that's also how he's managed to get Dokja this far, so. ]
I guess I would prefer private and with a smaller group.
[ Because what about him screams "party guy"? Take one look at him and anyone can see he's a shut-in. But if it's just a few people, then he doesn't see any issue with that... ]
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okay whatever they're coming up on it now, because this thread will take literally 80 years if i keep trolling you. which I'm fine with bc everything else is suffering rn but you know,
Abel's "campsite" isn't... conventional; there is no tent or shelter - but there doesn't truly need to be considering that, oddly enough, the weather in the valley is always pleasant and temperate and does not suffer the pitfalls of other regions of Horos. there's a clearing a bit from the edges of the wildflowers' bloom, one that leads directly into the fresh, clean stretch of river. it's peaceful; it's quiet.
and the priest is hauling the pack off his shoulder, settling it down right into the grass... and flopping to sit right there without further preamble. ]
Private and with a smaller group... mm, mm, that's definitely doable~! So, Ernesto would definitely be in for sure... hm. Who else would you say is on your shortlist to invite? Who are you chummy with, anyway?
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The long awaited campsite is literally camp-less and Dokja is not even a little bit surprised by this. He follows suit in dumping his own pack on the ground before taking a seat, all the while looking around and taking in their surroundings.
It's... nice? He hasn't been here since escaping the suffer cave and he'd never really paused to admire how beautiful the valley is, so this is almost brand new for him. Maybe he really should come by here more often and he's so deep in thought he almost misses Abel's question. ]
Oh. [ Is two people not enough? Three including Dokja? That's a whole group right there! ] What about Dextera?
[ He likes Dextera... And that's about the whole group right there. He's been working his damned hardest to keep people at arm's length. ]
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[ but as Abel says this, he is fixing Dokja with an expectant, happily patient look. as if he is, indeed, waiting for the rest of all Dokja's friends to come pouring out of his mouth any second now, haha. just wait for it!! the list has GOT to be huge, right? enormous!! you can fit so much friendship in this bad boy,
...
okay he's only getting like one more name tops isn't he, ]
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Dokja....... stares back. Like he's not sure what Abel is waiting for. D-does he want more names?? Well, he can think of a couple of others, but they're, uh. They're Kenoma.
But Abel looks so expectant so he might as well say one more name. ]
... Ci... el...?
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That's where my list ends, Abel.
[ Eustace would definitely not join. ]
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[ he huffs this petulantly while digging into his pack; Abel is pulling out two surprisingly cutely wrapped pastries - some kind of honey rolls - and passing Dokja one. ]
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He'll take it but he'll give it dubious looks the entire time it's in his hands. ]
Weren't you the one who told me there's something about her? Well, I saw it. Some of it. Back at Venera.
[ When everyone was sick. ]
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Abel's expression becomes far less Dumb as Shit and more... surprised, before he takes a look at the treat in his hands instead of watching his companion. a momentary beat of silence lingers between them before he heaves a quiet exhale. ]
I see.
[ ... ]
Did you... talk?
[ was Ciel amenable to that? ...though the circumstances were likely less than ideal, maybe this might help them - this opening of a gap between them. both of them. ]
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I felt what she felt.
[ It had been such a blur at the time, an assault on his senses, and he'd recognized it so easily. After all, it's what's consuming him, too. Them, maybe. Too much guilt for anyone to carry the weight of.
He subconsciously rubs at where the Martyr brand sits under his sleeve. ]
I didn't know... I didn't realize it until then, but she's suffering. You know that already, don't you?
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he turns the pastry over in his fingers thoughtfully. ]
...In the cavern, because of our Legacy-- some part of her and I, I think... we blurred for a moment.
[ ... ]
It... ached, Dokja. It has been aching ever since.
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Yeah, [ he says quietly, gaze dropping down to his own roll in his hands. ] I don't understand why she does what she does, but I think...
[ And this is where he hesitates, a drawn out silence as he debates whether or not to continue before finally making up his mind. ]
I'd like to help her.
[ Somehow. In some way. ]
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and when Abel replies, there is a small, soft smile at his lips. ]
She's lonely.
[ and perhaps that is something Dokja understands beneath all the layers of denial and copium. ]
...She's lost things she feels she can't get back, and truth be told... some of it truly is gone forever. Convinced herself she doesn't deserve any more than the pain she's found in place of that loss.
[ does any of this sound familiar? ...Abel has the sinking suspicion it might. ]
If you want to help her, Dokja - I think you could. I think you are one of the few people in Horos who might understand what she needs. She won't make it easy for you to give it to her, though.
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But he'd meant what he'd said about wanting to help her. The how is the real issue. All he seems capable of doing is harming others, and if not that, then burdening them. It's that small, self-pitying voice in his ear again, and Dokja swallows thickly, tries hard to place Abel's words in front of the ones in his head. ]
I'm not great at talking to people.
[ That much has been plenty obvious. With that said, he finally lifts his head to offer a tentative smile. ]
She's never made anything easy, has she? Then again, I suppose I haven't either. [ Understatement of the century. ] I'll still try.
[ With the amount of time he has left. ]
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[ if he isn't good at talking, then... that's alright. Ciel is not the sort for useless conversation for conversation's sake, is she? no, actually, Abel thinks there might be a better way about this.
so, after shoving a giant chunk of sweet pastry in his mouth-- ]
You better than anyone should know that sometimes... just having someone there is enough. Right...? None of us... Ciel included, truly want to be alone. She may have convinced herself that she does, but-- I think you and I are equipped to know better.
[ with what they have felt through her, what they have felt through their own experiences... that lesson has been learned the hard way. hasn't it? ]
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Of course he understands. Of course he knows. Being alone... it's the worst curse to be burdened with. ]
Yeah, [ he says, practically breathing out the response with a sigh. ] You're right.
[ And then a bit of a forced huff that could be a laugh. ]
It would be nice if this was the side of you that was out more, you know.
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the way i literally CACKLED
dismantles ur eustace cr
dismantles ur face...???????
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