The light tap pulls Dokja out of his thoughts, and he glances up at Abel with a small smile of his own. The vast expanse of the valley makes it difficult for him to think about anything other than how beautiful it is, and he turns his attention to the clearing. ]
Kind of. I think I was unconscious for most of that.
[ His tone is lighter than before as he begins the trudge toward the clearing. While he does remember the valley, it's in bits and pieces. As soon as they'd gotten away from that cave, away from all the fighting, Dokja had passed out from exhaustion.
It was probably the most sleep he's ever gotten in one go. ]
[ the Valley had a sort of magic to it, he thinks - one that goes beyond simply being peaceful. and in a world where literal magic were real, he can only speculate that might be the God's honest truth - that the Valley was protected, kept and preserved exactly as it was by magical or spiritual forces. after what they experienced in Venera, one might attribute it to the Being that had descended from the skies, but... Abel isn't quite so sure.
either way, the effect it produces is genuinely calming, soothing. maybe something a certain SOMEONE needs right about now. ]
I do... whenever I need to clear my head, I like to come out here for a bit. Aside from the village nearby, you won't find any sign of people for miles and miles, so-- you really have to go out of your way to come across another person. And during nighttime, the stars are so... clear, it's really beautiful.
When's the last time you got away from the city life for a bit, Dokja?
[ The mention of stars has something almost unreadable flicker past his gaze. Fear, perhaps? Or remorse. Either way, it's quickly smothered out and replaced with a distant look as he struggles to remember.
The last time...? ]
It's been a while, [ he admits as he blinks the present back into his eyes. ] There was that party, but I didn't stay for very long.
[ The Greentruth party. The one he'd only gone to so that he could repay his debt to Himeka. He'd only stuck around for a moment before retreating back to Godsblood, and he has the barest recollection from back then, so... Yeah, he hasn't been out much. ]
[ the Greentruth party feels like a small lifetime ago, and Abel is heaving a sigh as he pinches the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses, ]
Goodness me... you're even more a deplorable case than I thought! Dokja, Dokja... why are you so intent on holing away, hm? Come on, now. Godsblood itself is a perfectly nice city, but getting some fresh air-- mingling among your peers... it isn't a bad thing, is it? Are you allergic? Some kind of phobia--?
[ Abel is shooting him a look that suggests he doesn't believe that for a second and in no small part because he has seen cracks in Dokja's armor, so to speak. ]
Somehow, I feel that isn't really the case. But... do you? Honestly?
[ Wow, we are over taking things at face value, huh? Could have just accepted that Dokja lies every now and then (most of the time) rather than call him out on it, but no.
He falters. ]
I... [ Stop lying, bitch. ] I guess it gets lonely. Sometimes.
[ it isn't as though Abel can blame Dokja for any of this; he doesn't, and he won't... even if it is a little depressing to witness firsthand, and to see that his friend is holding reservations in opening up. still... sometimes people need time, and the priest wishes they had more of it to spend together in calmer, quieter moments like this one.
maybe things would be different that way. ]
Can you tell me... what you do when you're lonely? Do you reach out to anyone, or do you find something to distract yourself instead?
[ they've got a little ways to go before they reach the make-shift 'campsite,' so...
guess it's Friendship Therapy Time til then? wow, lucky Dokja!!! ]
[ Can people get sick from Friendship Therapy Time? Because he is feeling Unwell with this line of questioning.
But this is Abel. In a moment of weakness, Dokja had confided one of his biggest secrets to the priest, and while the thought of back then makes him uncomfortable, there's no denying that something about Abel puts him a little more at ease than usual.
Maybe it's the f... fr... F word thing. ]
I read. [ Oh? It's like he comes alive just mentioning it, expression brightening up considerably. ] I like most stories, but fantasy stories are my favorite.
[ ah, so Dokja is an avid fiction enjoyer? Abel's smile seems to broaden a bit as he watches that Look in his friend's eyes; maybe this might be best described as a passion, then. it might explain the state of his room, mm, something akin to a (very messy) library. ]
I see... I see, so it's like that, is it? You lose yourself in a good book to pass the time?
[ it is, at least, better than huddling in on himself in a depressive fugue state. but you know. ]
...Hey, Dokja; have you read anything good lately?
[ Some days it's stay in bed and cry a lot while other days it's stay in bed and read for escapism. The schedule varies wildly, but yeah. The state of his room really gives that away.
But ah, the invitation to share what he's read has his eyes widening slightly before he quickly recovers. He's used to people ignoring his interests, or outright mocking them, so this is... kind of everything he's ever wanted? Someone showing an ounce of interest in what he reads? As dramatic as that is. ]
I have, [ he says in a rush, though he's quick to pause and try to come across as a normally invested person. ] I mean, yes. Were you looking for a recommendation?
[ normally invested person Dokja here, got it. got the message! loud and clear,
Abel's swallowing the urge to chuckle - this is... cute? this is cute, endearing, to see the other man's eyes lighting up in this way, and he's nodding along. ]
Mm, I do enjoy reading! And, funnily enough... one of the reasons I like going to the Valley is because it reminds me of somewhere I used to go to read and relax back at home.
[ it isn't a lie; the flower fields of Milan where he had spent halcyon days with Caterina are one of his favorite places to be. it is the majority of the motivation behind returning here. ]
But... I think I might like it if you were to tell me a bit about some of your favorites? Maybe even stories from home? I can only imagine there are tales I'll never be able to read from where you're from, don't you think?
[ Reading in this peaceful valley does sound better than reading in a dark, cramped room. Ideas are now being put into his head and for once, they are not dangerous.
There's only one story that comes to mind at Abel's prompting and normally Dokja would be jumping at the chance to talk about it, but he hesitates now.
A story that had kept him alive for over ten years, a protagonist he'd come to rely on in more ways than one, and then its ending that had brought about the destruction of his world. He remembers as a child how much he'd wanted to be a character in that story, and then it had sprung to life just like he'd wished for.
It... wouldn't hurt to talk about it, right? Just a little? He misses it more than anything else. ]
... I do have a story from home that I read for a long time. It was titled Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World, but it could be shortened to Ways of Survival.
[ the story sounds grim on its face, but... Abel can hear the attachment, something a little more animated in Dokja's voice as he speaks of it. well, his curiosity is absolutely piqued; he has to know what this is all about, of course... ]
Is it one of those stories about, um-- like, a post-apocalyptic world? What was it like?
[ Ways of Survival. The keywords he'd searched up on the hospital's computer when it had finally been his turn to use it.
The hospital he had been taken too after he'd jumped out of the third story window of his classroom. ]
Yes, that was its setting. It was an unreasonably long story at over three-thousand chapters. [ It's like he comes to life as soon as he starts describing it. ] Not to mention it was hard to understand at times and it ended up losing all of its readers besides me, but...
[ He smiles. There's an unbearable sadness to it. ]
I kept going. A story about not giving up. It felt like it was written for me.
[ He can't help but huff out an amused breath at Abel's dismay. That's the sort of reaction he's used to receiving when he talks about WoS, very quickly followed by loud declarations that no one should ever have the patience to read something that long.
But Dokja had. For thirteen years. ]
It was a webnovel. I'd catch the chapter updates on my phone or the computer.
[ He lived for those updates. Quite literally. ]
I wish I had it with me. [ His sad smile turns a little more playful. ] I wonder how far you'd get if you started reading it.
[ It's totally normal to hyperfixate on one story for over ten years and desperately try to push other people to read it only to get flamed in the process.
Imagine liking something and having zero fan content for it because there is only one fan and he can't create fanworks because he's untalented and bad at it. ]
I started reading it when I was around fifteen, and now that I'm...
[ He trails off, expression twisting in confusion as he tries to remember how old he is.
T-twenty-something...? He's not in his thirties, right? ]
this is the second time he's stalled out or hesitated when they discussed his age, and Abel's giving him the arch of a brow in a mixture of concern and perplexity. b-bro? you good? ]
Um... it's been a while, I take it? When is your birthday, anyway?
[ yes, because struggling to remember your birth month is a common occurrence...
...Abel's silent for a moment, and maybe there is a deepening of some Concern that ripples through their shared connection as Martyrs. hm. just-- perhaps? y-yeah, ]
I see... and what did you do to celebrate your last one?
[ Abel's asking for a reason, here, seeing if being more specific might jog memories for his friend... or, maybe, gauging just how Concerned he needs to be about his swiss cheese brain, ]
[ His last birthday?? Well, he spent quite a few of them alone, that's for sure.
Abel's concern is honestly warranted because Dokja is blanking on these personal questions. It could be that it's been too long or it could be that he gave those memories away to the other half of himself. He's not quite certain.
But he does know one thing, ]
I don't celebrate my birthdays.
[ In fact, he's pretty sure he just ended up crying at the last one he remembers. ]
[ ...oh, Dokja; Abel is humming softly in response to that, and don't mind him if he is fixing his friend with a steady look of that Concern. yes, a big hearty helping of it, in fact - the sort that just radiates "bro? you good bro? no? ok" energy, yeah, ]
Hm. I'm not sure what month it is here in Horos considering the calendar, but... it seems like your birthday would've been coming up shortly if we were going off of where time was left in my world. So, maybe we ought to have a little get-together, one of these days?
[ a nice reason to get the gang in one place... to enjoy some relaxation in good company. that wouldn't be too bad, would it? ]
[ He is fine?? Not in the conventional sense of the word, but he is Existing as well as he can.
... Which is very poorly.
Dokja's very much taken aback by the offer, though. No one's ever suggested they do something for his birthday before, not after his family had splintered apart when he'd been too young, so this is... Weird. It's weird, right? ]
You don't have to do that. [ SERIOUSLY. ] Really, I should be asking you if you want to do anything for your birthday. It feels like you're always so busy taking care of others.
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The light tap pulls Dokja out of his thoughts, and he glances up at Abel with a small smile of his own. The vast expanse of the valley makes it difficult for him to think about anything other than how beautiful it is, and he turns his attention to the clearing. ]
Kind of. I think I was unconscious for most of that.
[ His tone is lighter than before as he begins the trudge toward the clearing. While he does remember the valley, it's in bits and pieces. As soon as they'd gotten away from that cave, away from all the fighting, Dokja had passed out from exhaustion.
It was probably the most sleep he's ever gotten in one go. ]
Does that mean you come here often?
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either way, the effect it produces is genuinely calming, soothing. maybe something a certain SOMEONE needs right about now. ]
I do... whenever I need to clear my head, I like to come out here for a bit. Aside from the village nearby, you won't find any sign of people for miles and miles, so-- you really have to go out of your way to come across another person. And during nighttime, the stars are so... clear, it's really beautiful.
When's the last time you got away from the city life for a bit, Dokja?
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The last time...? ]
It's been a while, [ he admits as he blinks the present back into his eyes. ] There was that party, but I didn't stay for very long.
[ The Greentruth party. The one he'd only gone to so that he could repay his debt to Himeka. He'd only stuck around for a moment before retreating back to Godsblood, and he has the barest recollection from back then, so... Yeah, he hasn't been out much. ]
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Goodness me... you're even more a deplorable case than I thought! Dokja, Dokja... why are you so intent on holing away, hm? Come on, now. Godsblood itself is a perfectly nice city, but getting some fresh air-- mingling among your peers... it isn't a bad thing, is it? Are you allergic? Some kind of phobia--?
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I like being by myself.
[ FALSE. He's used to being by himself, but he doesn't like it. He's just convinced himself that he does to cope with the loneliness. ]
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[ Abel is shooting him a look that suggests he doesn't believe that for a second and in no small part because he has seen cracks in Dokja's armor, so to speak. ]
Somehow, I feel that isn't really the case. But... do you? Honestly?
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He falters. ]
I... [ Stop lying, bitch. ] I guess it gets lonely. Sometimes.
[ When he's not lost in a story somewhere. ]
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maybe things would be different that way. ]
Can you tell me... what you do when you're lonely? Do you reach out to anyone, or do you find something to distract yourself instead?
[ they've got a little ways to go before they reach the make-shift 'campsite,' so...
guess it's Friendship Therapy Time til then? wow, lucky Dokja!!! ]
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But this is Abel. In a moment of weakness, Dokja had confided one of his biggest secrets to the priest, and while the thought of back then makes him uncomfortable, there's no denying that something about Abel puts him a little more at ease than usual.
Maybe it's the f... fr... F word thing. ]
I read. [ Oh? It's like he comes alive just mentioning it, expression brightening up considerably. ] I like most stories, but fantasy stories are my favorite.
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I see... I see, so it's like that, is it? You lose yourself in a good book to pass the time?
[ it is, at least, better than huddling in on himself in a depressive fugue state. but you know. ]
...Hey, Dokja; have you read anything good lately?
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But ah, the invitation to share what he's read has his eyes widening slightly before he quickly recovers. He's used to people ignoring his interests, or outright mocking them, so this is... kind of everything he's ever wanted? Someone showing an ounce of interest in what he reads? As dramatic as that is. ]
I have, [ he says in a rush, though he's quick to pause and try to come across as a normally invested person. ] I mean, yes. Were you looking for a recommendation?
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Abel's swallowing the urge to chuckle - this is... cute? this is cute, endearing, to see the other man's eyes lighting up in this way, and he's nodding along. ]
Mm, I do enjoy reading! And, funnily enough... one of the reasons I like going to the Valley is because it reminds me of somewhere I used to go to read and relax back at home.
[ it isn't a lie; the flower fields of Milan where he had spent halcyon days with Caterina are one of his favorite places to be. it is the majority of the motivation behind returning here. ]
But... I think I might like it if you were to tell me a bit about some of your favorites? Maybe even stories from home? I can only imagine there are tales I'll never be able to read from where you're from, don't you think?
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There's only one story that comes to mind at Abel's prompting and normally Dokja would be jumping at the chance to talk about it, but he hesitates now.
A story that had kept him alive for over ten years, a protagonist he'd come to rely on in more ways than one, and then its ending that had brought about the destruction of his world. He remembers as a child how much he'd wanted to be a character in that story, and then it had sprung to life just like he'd wished for.
It... wouldn't hurt to talk about it, right? Just a little? He misses it more than anything else. ]
... I do have a story from home that I read for a long time. It was titled Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World, but it could be shortened to Ways of Survival.
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[ the story sounds grim on its face, but... Abel can hear the attachment, something a little more animated in Dokja's voice as he speaks of it. well, his curiosity is absolutely piqued; he has to know what this is all about, of course... ]
Is it one of those stories about, um-- like, a post-apocalyptic world? What was it like?
cw: suicide mention
The hospital he had been taken too after he'd jumped out of the third story window of his classroom. ]
Yes, that was its setting. It was an unreasonably long story at over three-thousand chapters. [ It's like he comes to life as soon as he starts describing it. ] Not to mention it was hard to understand at times and it ended up losing all of its readers besides me, but...
[ He smiles. There's an unbearable sadness to it. ]
I kept going. A story about not giving up. It felt like it was written for me.
[ And it was. ]
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[ Abel openly gawks at this - three THOUSAND chapters is more than just unreasonably long, and he can't quite believe he hadn't misheard. ]
H-how on earth-- how many books was it?! Good Lord, that's... an entire library in and of itself! Dokja, you really followed along that long...
[ a story about tenacity, then? enduring...
...ah. ]
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But Dokja had. For thirteen years. ]
It was a webnovel. I'd catch the chapter updates on my phone or the computer.
[ He lived for those updates. Quite literally. ]
I wish I had it with me. [ His sad smile turns a little more playful. ] I wonder how far you'd get if you started reading it.
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[ """lost technology,""" whatever,
but... that brings up an interesting question to Abel. ]
So if you were following this one chapter at a time-- how long were you reading it? It had to have been years, right?
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Imagine liking something and having zero fan content for it because there is only one fan and he can't create fanworks because he's untalented and bad at it. ]
I started reading it when I was around fifteen, and now that I'm...
[ He trails off, expression twisting in confusion as he tries to remember how old he is.
T-twenty-something...? He's not in his thirties, right? ]
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this is the second time he's stalled out or hesitated when they discussed his age, and Abel's giving him the arch of a brow in a mixture of concern and perplexity. b-bro? you good? ]
Um... it's been a while, I take it? When is your birthday, anyway?
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He's even struggling to remember his birthday. ]
... February.
[ That month sounds right. ]
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...Abel's silent for a moment, and maybe there is a deepening of some Concern that ripples through their shared connection as Martyrs. hm. just-- perhaps? y-yeah, ]
I see... and what did you do to celebrate your last one?
[ Abel's asking for a reason, here, seeing if being more specific might jog memories for his friend... or, maybe, gauging just how Concerned he needs to be about his swiss cheese brain, ]
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Abel's concern is honestly warranted because Dokja is blanking on these personal questions. It could be that it's been too long or it could be that he gave those memories away to the other half of himself. He's not quite certain.
But he does know one thing, ]
I don't celebrate my birthdays.
[ In fact, he's pretty sure he just ended up crying at the last one he remembers. ]
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Hm. I'm not sure what month it is here in Horos considering the calendar, but... it seems like your birthday would've been coming up shortly if we were going off of where time was left in my world. So, maybe we ought to have a little get-together, one of these days?
[ a nice reason to get the gang in one place... to enjoy some relaxation in good company. that wouldn't be too bad, would it? ]
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... Which is very poorly.
Dokja's very much taken aback by the offer, though. No one's ever suggested they do something for his birthday before, not after his family had splintered apart when he'd been too young, so this is... Weird. It's weird, right? ]
You don't have to do that. [ SERIOUSLY. ] Really, I should be asking you if you want to do anything for your birthday. It feels like you're always so busy taking care of others.
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the way i literally CACKLED
dismantles ur eustace cr
dismantles ur face...???????
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